Note to self?

The thing about writing is always about being in touch. Come to think of it, that's how everything works, right? Once your devote your faculties to something, that's when it starts responding. Be it workouts, practice, writing, playing an instrument, whatever. 

The usual escape route is the state of mind, or the way many things are cluttered in the head, not being able to think straight, etc. But I think it's honestly the drive. Or the allocation for each specific thing in our head. Over time, you always get used to something. We need to choose what it is. Is that something actually nothing, is it something that we find peace with, is it something we can bring joy to ourselves, is it something that we can make the world a better place to be in. 

Whatever maybe the case, its foolish to even hope to you know, work and make the world a better place. The underlying thing is to find what we are good at and then become possessed with it. There are going to be distractions, but if we find where our heart truly belongs, that's when our world truly becomes better. And maybe small worlds like that can add up and make something out of it collectively.

The perspective of TIME

Writing something that's on public forum for a considerable time is a task. While it is surely an extension of the state of mind, I feel it's a responsibility to have good content. Something that stirs me up when I get back to reading this some day or maybe works for someone who's in a similar state of mind. Reading and writing, that way, have their own little inspirational backdrop.

Over the past few days, I've been trying to work on optimising time. There is the part of rest that is different for everybody. But what happens to the rest of the active time? Planning and thinking sometimes robs a lot of time. Social media usage when uncontrolled takes the lion share. Its not a good idea to shun any of it, but maybe an effective moderation of these would perhaps work, depending on what you really need to do, or what productivity you want to bring to the table.

I recently stumbled on an instagram reel. A dude is hurriedly walking and talking (apt, considering the subject). He says you get just 75 summers and 75 winters if you are lucky and so on. I like the opening of the video. Immediately grabs your attention. 75 summers. I'm on the 38th one now. That's just 50%. Also, optimistically hoping that I'm indeed lucky. That's how time is, right? On one day there are grandiose retirement plans, on one day there is a lackadaisical attitude, on one day when you are just about to sleep, there are a hundred ideas that you want to execute. But 75 summers. Fuck. 

Again, there are ways to interpret this. Would you rather sit and cry over spilt milk or would you turn industrious suddenly and make sure everything is put in place? When you are lacking a little perspective, what might also help is dividing time into even further smaller factions. That's when you get a struggle of the 5 minute deal. Content on instagram robs your time. Social media where misleading headlines of videos are all done to get the said number of hits or views.

The point is, time is just the way it is. It is a vast canvas given to us painters. What do we fill it in. Would we surrender to unknown people painting our canvas in their own colours or would we find a way to paint it ourselves, even if its two mountains and a sun?

Week 10, apparently

The mind is still held on to December. One of the busiest months I’ve had since a very long time, which was aided by a diagnosis of acute pharyngitis. Few firsts in the month - singing for a live classical dance gig, two gigs on the same day, etc., quite a fuck all new year gig. All of it, together made it quite memorable. The events from then on to here, the beginning of March is a, a haze? Of course it has all been tracked, there have been few gigs, few extremely decisive discussions and meetings, new ventures and all that, but still, seriously? Week 10 already? Beats me.

Too late for a new year wish. Too late to recap like the customary blog in the first week of January. Honestly, if I come to think of it, I don’t think I actually spent time reminiscing anytime in January. I think few gigs and work kept me busy, but I still can’t believe I was that busy.

Or simply to quote myself, blogging climbed down the priority ladder. I really don’t know. Goals remain, goals are still being made, new aspirations to look forward to are all active. I guess this is how it is going to function. More and more goals keep coming along. On some good days they are realised, some days they are pushed. 

I was thinking of how an idle brain is a devil’s den. The mind conjures up things to put the whole state of mind in a turmoil. And who does it? The mind. It’s a little flummoxing. Made me wonder if it worked in sections independent of each other. Or it’s probably a problem with us overthinkers. Till something so interesting comes up that can shatter that barrier and tell the brain to function normally. Or is it an after effect of a super busy week and you decide to chill all of a sudden but the brain says no. Maybe few brains and bodies are not meant to rest. But who decides that again? :D

I had to vent out the confusion. I’m pretty sure I made sense, But venting usually means getting rid of a certain feeling, or something? That’s not happening.

States of mind/Conditions of life

As a corollary to the previous blog where I ranted mostly about motivation and inspiration, I kinda made some comparisons today. Life comparisons.

Why is it that the people who have most of the things - a vehicle, a decent house to live in, a workspace, still complain about not having something else to work with or something else to lead an even more comfortable life; while the people who don't have the basic shit required for life slog their ass and make something out of their existence?

I strongly believe human potency is equally distributed among the entire mankind. It's mostly on how every person put their effort into becoming what they want to. It's another thing that most people really don't know what they want out of life or what they can give back to life. Of course I'm included in the most. I'm not that special too,  you know.

While potency is probably distributed the same, why do people with amenities lax? Should it not be a bigger moral responsibility to make better of the resources at disposal and contribute toward a better society? Similarly, what drives the people who are deprived of most of the necessities. I get the part where there could be negativity on both ends of the spectrum. It's after all the balance the world needs to coexist. Gosh, did I just open up a Pandora's box with that?

But seriously, considering the amount of people who have had nothing and go on and achieve it - why does it sound so inspiring? Because that's what we want to listen to? The mind after all perceives what it wants to. So we constantly assume that if someone is not well to do, then there is nothing that can happen of them? I think just the thought made me puke inside. It's pretty sick to have such thoughts, no? Is that why the people who have a decent life also perhaps achieve, but goes unnoticed because it's less inspiring? Is inspiration only a thing associated with life conditions? If I get back to how potency is distributed equally among humans, obviously there are equal number of achievers regardless of their life conditions. Is it all recognised? Do we frown upon people just for the sake of some preconceived notions and later uphold their state of mind after they become big? Do we entirely disregard people who are well to do with any achievement saying they had it easy?

Shit. This is even more confusing than what I began with.

Motivation? Seriously?

There are just a flurry of articles that came in to my mind when I just wrote the title. I guess I’ll pick the quote that I read long ago. “Motivation is like your daily shower. We recommend it daily.”

Okay, probably I don’t agree much with the shower part of it. Although I guess I shower everyday. But yeah, the motivation part of it is something that has to seriously be replenished now and then. Even the simple thing about blogging. It took me this long from January for the second blog of the year. Rather than blaming it on lack of drive, I’d choose, more elegantly, that I really didn’t have anything to write about. Which is kinda false in itself. Especially since there have been blogs where I’ve just written aimlessly only to look at it months later and drive myself to do better.

But even that simple thing of not having a topic to write about is a little too far fetched. I mean, life itself is going about with a lot of varied situations, scenarios and phases that its a little too upsetting to say there isn’t anything to write about. Its basically getting better with each passing blog, right? But again, not necessarily. We all have those moments of just not wanting to do anything for some time. That “some” time is relative. Its like gigging. Your stage presence gets better with the next gig. Its like working out. Deadlifts today will help bench press tomorrow. Its like.. you get it, right?

So, as a quick update to the publicly declarable life changing moments, Saregamapa on Zee Kannada got over in February. It was a reality show where I was a part of a choir. And importantly, got on stage with many wonderful musicians, sang alongside the Sunshine Orchestra. A collaboration that I wanted to (and still want to) materialise with BlendzZ. The down side of the reality show was a lot of man hours that would go in waiting for rehearsals. And 3 days of rehearsals before the shoot. Being in a choir is hard. You’ve just got to keep waiting for your turn. Its worse when they are shooting for 15 songs, you’ve just one song with the choir and that’s scheduled towards midnight. On the other hand, its difficult to keep track of all the choir parts when there are 10 songs (lyrics included). Plus the OCD of not having a lyric reference - a trait I proudly passed on to the rest of them too. 

This TV show (and my long hair) got me a few opportunities for gigs, each of which was a learning curve. Then there was April when my Guru was travelling to the US and asked me if I could handle his academies in his absence. It was quite a daunting task and pretty big shoes to fill in. But no one complained and I’m still doing classes once a week at his academy now that he’s back. Guess I did okay.

But why motivation in the middle of all this? Its been eating me that motivation is a big thing of the lives we have today. Post Covid, we have all become weak, distant, dissociated, and been in a state of decrepitude. Not to mention the general lethargy of not wanting to sit for long hours even for something we like doing. So with attention span going for a toss, our social lives are all screwed beyond hope. Its not something thats irreversible, but the whole process of reversing it is indeed a pain. For some, its the unexplainable irritation of working from home. For some its the stuck money flow. For some, its the lack of work more so because it involves performing arts. It all boiled down to the state of mind, the temporary phase of what the mind dictates. Just recently it seems like schools and workspaces opened up. There is an extreme aggression with traffic on road. What was a peaceful ride for 2 km from the gym at 9 in the morning is turning out to be an adventure. What’s to complain!

This conditions that we were in maybe took our states of mind to such levels that we depended on social media to get out of it. And people started motivations talks, making careers out of it with instantly gratifying social media. What was once an activity to kill time slowly morphed into a business model. No one is complaining. Everyone benefits from what they choose. But what about the independent self sustainable model of a person? When will they realise that what you want can’t be found outside of yourself? True, maybe these speakers and influencers probably propel you into thinking that, I’m not sure. I’m not dissing them. But we treat getting motivated and influenced as a big elephant that’s found in some jungle lands. Its not. You can get inspired from a construction labourer who’s making ends meet for his family, you can get inspired from your daily house help who comes at the same time everyday without fail, you can get inspired from your mother, from an upcoming content creator, from your gym coach. From basically anything that’s around you. The problem is not the source of getting motivated. The problem is we lack vision. The short-sightedness. If everything is measured with how instantly we get results, the approach is questionable. Its a sad story that social media is pushing us to be less of humans. You upload a video and immediately the thing we want is likes and views. Its the thing now. While for some things one has to ride the wave, while riding the wave you should not forget that as humans you can’t live in water or underwater forever. Naturally. We have been made to make this place better. Not to indulge in mindless hate, competition and classify people based on whatever reasons we believe in. 

So look around. There’s a lot that you’ve not seen. Train your mind to see things around you. Like really see. Motivate yourself. The least we can try is to create an impression that inspires people to carry on in their own chosen areas of interest once we are gone after serving our purpose. 

Stay kind. Stay safe!

Twenty Twenty Two

Yeah, it was hard to not get carried away with the meme that lasted exactly for a week since 2022 started. That everyone was wishing that this year wouldn't be twenty twenty too was a little in your face when January suddenly the omicron variant started peaking. I did contribute in number to the increasing cases again, but thankfully it was all under control and subsided (at least for me).

New Year, new hopes, new resolutions, although cliched, that's how it is. I usually get into a bout of setting aims and goals around this time and the only other time I do it is during my birthday. But off late, I've been setting more of these on a probably alternate day basis. That way you aren't left in the lurch when the year ends and you discover all you've done is pass time. 

Last year was a moderately mediocre year for most part of it with not so regular workouts, not so regular video uploads, with a few hospital visits, the damned lockdown confusion, a few deaths in the family, probably just a single trip, some anxious moments, some happy moments, some high moments - well, come to think of it, it was probably a good year. Could've been better with trips and having less anxious moments, but these are the things that make life, isn't it?

Anyways, the end of the year saw a new workstation, and a new ride to welcome the new year with less cribbing and more of "shut it and work" kinda thing. I would blame January on covid, and most definitely defend myself with "that's why I didn't work much". But its the 30th already and I can't stop but lament that its already been a month and nothing has happened yet. Maybe with the new year, the new hope and the new resolution will take me at least a step closer than where I was yesterday. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Success

The topic seemed so relatable in my head that I actually had to search if there were more than 5 blogs of the same name, but on the first scan I couldn't find anything. And so, I proceed.

This year going on a breakneck speed, we enter the last month in a few minutes from now. Or maybe this blog might spill over to December 1st. It all depends on the flow of thought. But today, I really felt like writing this. It is probably more of a self note rather than anything else. I'll be happy if anyone else relates to it. If you sense a solution coming out of this, you are in the wrong place. No solution here. Like someone wise (who I honestly don't remember) tells, the problem itself creates the solution. No one and no time can ever give you any solution.

Sometimes, we probably plan out how things should pan out in life. I'm not talking about a day to day plan which is quite tiresome to do, but you know, like milestones and the like. And life as we know it today - I'm talking post 2020, has changed. A considerable lot has changed. Yeah the basic outlook stays, the basic uncertainty baggage that life is tagged with also stays. It certainly however seems like the cabin baggage upgraded to check in. Sigh, someone reading this must think I was a globe trotter. No, I'm not. 

Anyways, when you have made these plans and goals, in all earnest sincerity, work starts toward that goal. There are going to be obstacles. Some that stretch for minutes, some that stretch for years. The true potential of an obstacle is still yet to be explored I feel. But all said and done, more often than not, the plans mostly don't realise. Either the obstacle becomes strong, or a diversion takes place, or one could even realise the goal was itself not worth pursuing. In all the cases, it seems like life wants us to take a path of discovery. A path of self learning. A path which teaches us that the route to the goal is more important than achieving it itself. Now starts the main thing. What is success, really?

The societal stigma of associating success with materialistic stuff is extremely cliche by now. Come to think of it, state of mind can be a success. Or should I dare say, should be the only success. We all know the complexity of the brain. Controlling it to a fairly satiating degree to orient toward a certain something is doable. Life also takes along with it other baggage - Relative success. Something that is as individual as each person's biological clock. This, sadly becomes a matter of concern in the world. At 37, someone could be a CEO of twitter (that just happened today, btw) and at 37, someone might be taking music lessons, trying to learn something afresh. Not all of them have to have 2 kids, a fancy house and a stable job. While people try to paint it with a term of relative success, it is actually relative fanciness of how a person chooses to spend his money. 

Of course it is not all that straightforward. And a lot of other aspects come into play. But what I'd like to tell is that make the journey. Make as many journeys you can. The goal can change. The goal can waver. Hell, it can do a full 180. But during that phase, document your journey. That's the most fun. Could be frustrating now. But it is all there, going on for a reason.