Dream

Dream. Fantasy. So far apart, but still have some bit of a dangling semblance.


Felt the bulging need to mention fantasy here, as I'm in the middle of reading The Lost Symbol, a novel in the Robert Langdon series by Dan Brown, for the second time. Not that I loved it so much, but frankly I don't remember if I do. Read this at around the same time I read the Six Sacred Stones and was terribly upset with Matthew Reilly for having not finished the novel in one book. I mean, are you even allowed to do such stuff with a fast paced thriller? Anyways, The Lost Symbol reading started, again, after a minor tiff with a friend if it was on par with Angels and Demons or the Da Vinci Code. I'm yet to find out.


Back to dream and fantasy, I can think of a few things, songs in particular, just by the mention of the word 'Dream'. It was the song presented by Susan Boyle in Britain's got talent, in 2009. The first time I saw the video, I was surprised like anybody. But I don't remember being rude, like most people in the audience. Although, what I remember vividly is emoting more than the audience there. It was the voice, I guess, but more than that, it probably was the song structure, the powerful vocals backed by the soft piano keys, an abrupt key change right in the middle of the song that hits you like a gong, the brass here and there. Here, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xp7ARm2Lwdo. If someone would sing like that and look like that, I'd marry her. Not Susan Boyle, the babe from Glee, whatever it is, an album or a band or whatever.


The other thing that I'd love to emulate would be Dream on, by Aerosmith, which I think I've missed performing by a whisker. The opportunity came to me when I had never heard of Aerosmith, which is really sad. I really doubt if I'd be able to do justice to that song, but what are dreams for? They make you feel good.


Dream. Wonder how this word came into usage. The terminology itself would incite a lot of praise and harangue from me at the same time. Its my dream to own a Lamborghini Aventador. Its my dream to be on stage with my band and perform to our own numbers. Its all a dream. I freaking hate it because its a dream. Is it fantasy? Not yet.


Its all still possible. By all, I refer to my other dreams too. But as a fiercely closed person as I'm, going close to reveal 2 dreams in public is as far as I would ever go, even if I'm heavily drunk. The last time I remember being drunk, though , I edited an official letter for grammar for a friend, and the other time, I drove an Accord, with 3 other people, and reached home safe and sound. Hell, I'm a person who eats only half of the stomach's capacity on a regular basis, so I would surely know how to drink 'in capacity', which is the farthest I'd take it. To call me 'in control' would be nothing but a gross understatement.


So now, back to the Dream. In certain facets of life, from as much psychiatry I know, one can fantasize. There's nothing wrong in fantasizing and feeling good about it. But the dream is nowhere about merely thinking and feeling good about it. A Dream is a challenge. A Dream is an inspiration. A Dream is what pushes you to the hitherto unknown avenues of your own lifestyle. As rightly said by one Mr. John Updike, 'Dreams come true. Without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them.' It is so persuasively inspiring that even if you would want to brush aside your Dream, which is really, a foolish thing to do, you'd then brush it back and put it back on track.


The human mind is limitless. There are no restrictions enforced by anybody or anything on it, on the thought, I mean. The closest anything can get, in terms of being free, would be a bird, till it lays eggs. In the practical world, it gets a little tricky trying to achieve what one dreams of. There might be instances when one assuages oneself reminding that its after all, a Dream. But, it IS a Dream. Something that YOU need to work to make sure it IS yours.

AR Rahman - Bangalore

The most noteworthy event of this month, hell, I'd say even of my life was attending Rahman's concert, for the third time, in my life. I remember the chills and unexplainable joy I'd experienced standing in the rain, with Shankar Mahadevan and Rahman's jugalbandi on Ghanan ghanan, years back at Palace Grounds. None of the emotions changed later in 2010, when I attended his concert in Houston. Only the mouth went wider with amazement as to how on earth 'an Indian composer can pull of a show of such magnitude', to quote myself from twitter.

When I learnt about the concert happening in Bangalore again, it reminded me of the chills, the emotion all over again. I knew I would not be disappointed, I wasn't. Not with the songs, or singers or the set or the lighting. But, to an extent with the sound guy. I'm sure a lot of attention would have been paid to it, he probably had a bad day. 

The concert as a whole, was awesome. I'm probably very fortunate for having seen two concerts organised in such a grandeur. Cancel probably, a la VW. I'd expected the song line up at Houston to remain the same, more or less at least. It took me entirely by surprise. 

The show started off with Yelelo, the lines from Roja, immediately inciting a thunderous applause and bursting out of all pent up emotions, sending chills everywhere, influencing the tear glands to a great extent. In short, nothing in the world mattered anymore, and everything but for the song, the voice and the man seemed infinitesimal.

Quickly, the stage setting changed, the dancers came out, the songs were unleashed at a rapid pace. I was amazed by this new line up of singers (again), couldn't really come to terms with how beautifully they carried themselves and performed, not compromising at any time on the vocals. It was style. It was panache, clubbed with dedication and practice, that was evident. Maybe it was the taskmaster too. :)

Yayire saw a complete makeover. So did Tanha tanha. Man mohini was fused with Tu muskura. Chukku bukku raile was hard rock and was fused with Petti rap. Anjaana was sung by the man himself, so were half a dozen other songs, such as Rehna tu, Dil se, Tere bina, Meherbaan, Yeh jo des hai tera, Gurus of Peace, etc.

I realised (again) how pure Javed Ali's voice is. Just the line 'tum se kyaa maangu main, tum khud hi samajh lo' from Arziyaan was enough to make me watery eyed. The other line up consisted of Shweta Pandit, Harshdeep Kaur, Neeti Mohan, Vijayprakash, Suresh Peters, Remo Fernandes, Sivamani and a bunch of super talented, amazing singers and musicians, apologies for not knowing their names.

I reiterate, I don't think there can be any composer who can make songs like Mukkala and Khwaja mere khwaja. Like Pappu can't dance saala and Uyire uyire. Like Vande mataram and Kismat se tum. Like Thirakaatha and Bombay theme. Like Oruvan oruvan and Piya haji ali. This, is all possible with total submission to the music, to the divine entity and faith, in work. Success not reaching the head is also what which can make things happen. When I listen to Rahman's songs, more than his voice, his composition, his innovative ideas, his choice of instruments or singers, which would take weeks to settle in, its the immense dedication that I can listen to. Its the submissiveness that I can listen to. 

Such a great person. Such talent. Didn't hurt me when it poured in Bangalore a few years back, almost canceling the concert. Didn't hurt me when a few people said, 'How come Rahman doesn't sing in his concerts? It was such a waste of money, Rahman's concert and only other people sing!'. Didn't hurt me when people commented in Houston that Rahman should not perform SOUTH INDIAN songs. Likewise, it doesn't hurt me when a composer of the stature of Ismail Durbar, a great composer himself, who dared to create his own style, makes a statement saying the Academy awards were bought. Like I said, I'm in the phase where in everything else apart from the man, his music and his voice seems just infinitesimal. 

Hats off to you, Rahman Sir, for your music, for your perspective toward life. May you perform many more times, in Bangalore and elsewhere; may you win more accolades; may you come out with great albums that would set benchmarks for years to come.

Jai Ho!

And April marches too!

The sheer amount of joblessness when I was in the US, made me ponder, and at times, discuss with my room mates as to what my schedule was when I was here, working, trekking, performing and jamming, something that would serve as food for thought, at times, now that I'm back. Life's not much different now. :)


April probably was the most eventful, till now, since I started working. Lot of travel, lot of fun.


When I boarded my flight to Bangalore, I was very happy. One, that I'd made a decision and was getting back to my home, and the other, that I'd never ever have to make such an arduous long journey again, ever in my life. Little did I know that I would be wrong. Its for no reason whatsoever that it is said that one wouldn't know what is in store.


I was supposed to go to Chicago, for a 2 week training. This came across hardly as a shock, compared to what would happen weeks later after the decision. My US visa was rejected. To attribute it to my hair, the officer didn't even look at my face. To attribute it to some immigration laws, I fail to understand the fact that the officer who cancels my student visa doesn't bother to inspect my documents and denies me a visa. It was hilarious, actually. None of the 3 of us who were supposed to go got a visa. Needless to say, I didn't meet a single person since then who wasn't surprised.


A trek with my friends is something that eluded me since a long time. When I had come here during my vacation, it didn't look like a big deal to me, something that I'd repent for a very long time after I'd go back. I was thrilled when we all decided to go on a trek, albeit for 2 days, near Dharmasthala, Karnataka. We camped just next to the waterfalls, a few feet just before the falls would take a 250 feet vertical drop. The closest I could go was maybe 20 ft away from the cliff. Hell, my head was reeling just by seeing people standing and sitting at the edge. But the scenic Western Ghats compensated totally for what I would boldly say was one of the most energy draining treks of all. It only made us think how important food and water were. I think, subconsciously, it provided inspiration for a new song that I recently wrote.


The farthest I travelled till now on road was from Bangalore to Pune and from there to Nashik. The sleeper, in my opinion was a notch comfy than the train. Stayed at Nashik for about 2 days. I'm involved with fire research. We burn things and then extinguish them :P. Only, there are standards that tell us how to burn and how to put the fire off. Had the sun been a little more intense, I'd have become the raw material myself for a fire test. But, all's well that ends well. The training programme seemed too short for a travel of 1000+ km on road.


Can't help but notice (again) how fast time is flying. It seems slow sometimes too. I'll be meeting my brother tomorrow, after 3 and a half years. I don't know if that is a long time or a short time, 'coz I don't see anything having changed.


Anyways, I'm off. See you all soon. :)

March! (pun intended)

Barely. Just Barely.
I'd almost given up, and to augment my laziness, the internet responded a little slower than usual when I'd almost closed the page till the familiar layout showed up :). I must really stop treating blogs like a last minute bill payment, honestly!

But with gym, music, work and other mission'S' (:P) that I'm trying to scrape through, (still), none of them have become regular as yet. Guess I am losing my managing skills or the travel takes the most of my energy. A 3 day workout (at least) has probably seen light of the day (week) a couple of times. Music classes, which I'd been planning since a long time ago, will have to wait till I get back from The US of A.

Oh yeah, that reminds me that I didn't mention. The wholly ugly process of the US visa! I never even had a wildest dream that I'd go through the dreadful process again. Have heard about a lot of rejections off late, will get to know about mine in less than a week now.

Haven't been able to meet a lot of friends, haven't been able to record stuff, haven't been able to keep up promises, haven't been able to meet a few of my goals, but I should say, I'm loving it. I mean, all this happens at breakneck speed. More so, coz I work on Saturdays too. So technically, its just one day in a week that I get to do the most, and people say try and concentrate on one and accomplish it, but I say, I live once, let me try my hand at all of it, as long as I enjoy doing it.

The horrible part of all the 'missions' is the hair washing part, which, simply put, I've no idea how I'm managing with the temperatures going as high as 35 odd, and all the traveling. Well, so far so good. The day I decide I have had enough, there are loads of compliments coming in, so, I believe its ok!

Anyways, I'm off. Hope the next blog wouldn't look as forced. 

The turn of events, if one may say so

Ah! Respite. Finally. :)

I'm employed. Can't really say I went through turmoil for ages, but whatever little I went through, its best if its kept to myself. All in all, I can just say that I'm glad things went this way. There were decisions that I could have taken, in a fit of desperation and frustration, but maybe something inside told me to wait it out, which I did. The rest, I must say, just fell into place. Maybe divine intervention, maybe destiny.

By the way, I'm now Assistant Professor at Jain University. The campus is huge and very nice, about 55 km from my place. There are many best parts about the job, travel included. 55 km would probably take about 2 hours, one way. But there is the college bus, which eliminates the need to drive. The timings make life so easy! The college operates from 8.30 AM to 4.00 PM. :)

The college, the facilities is something I'm yet to explore, but the fascinating part of it is the research going on. I'm in a department called Center for Disaster Mitigation, working on Fire. Mostly safety and the like. There is this huge lab that is being constructed which, ideally should serve for the whole of Asia-Pacific for testing materials for fire safety, one of the important aspects of safety generally taken for granted here in India. So, its the lab that I'll have to take care of, with a little teaching, due to start around 2 years later.

Though I'm all decked in formals, the presence of the pony draws multiple giggles, arouses interest and awe among the student folk. Surprisingly, though Jain prescribes a dress code, they managed to exempt me from it. But honestly, one (or rather, a group) should at the least hold a clandestine short meeting about my pony, unlike what they do now. I mean, its obvious for me and the people I hang around with that my pony is the topic of discussion. Well, way of life! ;)

Faculty and fellow colleagues address me 'SIR', which definitely feels weird. Guess needs a little time. Hell, it feels odd even when a coupla students addressed me SIR!

Well, adios for now, while I'll still grapple with my travel routine, college timings, managing music and my workouts, and most importantly, my sleep.

With half an hour for the day and the month to end, I am grinning ear to ear that I didn't miss February. :)

Random thoughts

Just a few days back, it was the New Year’s day. Didn’t realise its already the 31st! On one hand, had this strong urge to not write a blog, simply because there isn’t anything to write actually. But I realised I could actually choose to do that every time I wanna write. So, I forced myself to write something, just for the record.

Guess its an example straight out of what happens in life. I strongly believe, and I know most of you would also agree that people have tremendous potential and it clearly shows when they are pushed to the maximum.

(Excuse the philosophical rant,

courtesy: Now playing: Dream on - Aerosmith)

In the middle of typical mood swings these days. Today, I feel there is so much to do in life, so much that I’ve rambled on, when alone, that come to think of it, there is actually very less time to do all that. Sometimes, just because of the insecurity that sets in if I would be able to do all of it or not, prompts me to aimlessly drift away from the ‘set’ goal.

Music. Ah. Those 5 magical words. They give joy and another set of 5 letters. Bliss. Earlier,  not much earlier in fact, my rendezvous with music was just going to classes, learning the lessons with utmost dedication, minus any practical application. That changed pretty fast over the years, courtesy, the company I had, the musical repertoire I found myself attracted to. The next phase was spending a lot of time in figuring out how tunes were made, how they applied in other forms of music. How everything is a magical set of just 7 (or 12, erudite musicians) notes. This phase saw no emphasis on lyrics, whatsoever. I guess that is when it all changed.

(Now playing: Aaromale - Alphonse/AR Rahman)

When I learnt what words and expressions in songs meant, I didn’t stop listening to songs that I don’t understand. Music still has taken precedence over lyrics, obviously. Talk about music not being native to any language.

Maybe around 7 years has passed since I started with these phases. Today, I’m a part of a band, and I can say I’m proud to be one of the founding members. What started off as a thought of just creating instrumental pieces changed over time, and proper ‘songs’ were born. Someone recently asked me, ‘It must feel really great no, after composing a song? It’s more like you’ve achieved something.’ No, it honestly doesn’t. When I listen to songs that I’ve already recorded, I think what can be made better in it. More often than not, I get lost when composing a song. I just stop working even if I’m getting ideas and distance myself physically from it. I let it evolve and come to me. This could last from anywhere between few hours, a day or more than a couple of months. Achievement is still something that scares me, especially with something like music, coz what do I do after I achieve?

Today, I’ve a setlist of songs, all waiting to be recorded. Can’t wait to listen them happen.

(Now playing: Feel my love - Vinay Shanthagiri/BlendzZ)

When I listen to a song, a flurry of thoughts get in my head. First the complexity in it, then the expression. When I hear a spectrum of wavelengths of different instruments, the only thing that occurs to me is how much dedication is required and how many hours of practice that artiste would have probably put in to play it to such a degree. At that particular moment, everything, every single thing in life seems bull crap. That is the divinity music has.

Back to some Maiden now, maybe, or, here goes....

(Now playing: Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin)

Ciao!

The end is near :)

Not to end the year on a pessimistic note, but with the year ending in a few more hours, 4 and a half to be precise, couldn't resist the title :).

All's well that ends well. Sometimes its true, sometimes, its accepted out of desperation, sometimes to assuage oneself. But what the hell, all's still well that ends well.

2010 was eventful. Now that I made that statement, all processors in my mind are busy scurrying to find what all 'events' did happen.

Lemme try going backwards.

Today was exceptionally brilliant, with the above statement really making sense and what a finale to the year! Most importantly, what a superb way to celebrate the year eve. For the first time in my life, today, I entered a studio, a recording studio, had musicians play to my tune, recorded with a fantastic sound engineer, (can't say the best, coz he is the first one I worked with). It was an overwhelming experience. I'm sure more emotions would flow, with other instruments coming in after a few more days. Found myself sitting satisfied after a few runs and few track recordings. I think this, till now has been the best new year eve celebration.
(Its actually easy to 'read back' what happened in the past few months, I must have it all written down ;). But let me resist the urge. Few more paragraphs and I'm done.)

There was the bidding farewell to few of my closest friends in the US, the Graduation Ceremony, the thesis completion, the 'almost just missed' defense, the concerts - AR Rahman and Iron Maiden, the trips - Galveston, San Antonio and South Padre, the first anniversaries of both my Mac and the M-Audio keyboard :D.

It always seems a great deal talking about it, all at once or just summarizing the only 12 months that went by. To live each moment, so that it becomes memorable for the next is what many fail to realise.

Suddenly, its all very humbling.

Let me keep the blog short for now.

I wish all people I know a VERY HAPPY AND EVENTFUL NEW YEAR. Hope the year ushers in new awakenings, new sensibilities and new opportunities. I'm no party animal, will stay indoors tonight, I guess. To all revelers, take care.