The end is near :)

Not to end the year on a pessimistic note, but with the year ending in a few more hours, 4 and a half to be precise, couldn't resist the title :).

All's well that ends well. Sometimes its true, sometimes, its accepted out of desperation, sometimes to assuage oneself. But what the hell, all's still well that ends well.

2010 was eventful. Now that I made that statement, all processors in my mind are busy scurrying to find what all 'events' did happen.

Lemme try going backwards.

Today was exceptionally brilliant, with the above statement really making sense and what a finale to the year! Most importantly, what a superb way to celebrate the year eve. For the first time in my life, today, I entered a studio, a recording studio, had musicians play to my tune, recorded with a fantastic sound engineer, (can't say the best, coz he is the first one I worked with). It was an overwhelming experience. I'm sure more emotions would flow, with other instruments coming in after a few more days. Found myself sitting satisfied after a few runs and few track recordings. I think this, till now has been the best new year eve celebration.
(Its actually easy to 'read back' what happened in the past few months, I must have it all written down ;). But let me resist the urge. Few more paragraphs and I'm done.)

There was the bidding farewell to few of my closest friends in the US, the Graduation Ceremony, the thesis completion, the 'almost just missed' defense, the concerts - AR Rahman and Iron Maiden, the trips - Galveston, San Antonio and South Padre, the first anniversaries of both my Mac and the M-Audio keyboard :D.

It always seems a great deal talking about it, all at once or just summarizing the only 12 months that went by. To live each moment, so that it becomes memorable for the next is what many fail to realise.

Suddenly, its all very humbling.

Let me keep the blog short for now.

I wish all people I know a VERY HAPPY AND EVENTFUL NEW YEAR. Hope the year ushers in new awakenings, new sensibilities and new opportunities. I'm no party animal, will stay indoors tonight, I guess. To all revelers, take care.

Life back home!

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Its been a month. Well, more than a month since I came back.

No A/C. No silent streets. No high speed internet. No constant alcohol parties. But, I don’t feel like a stranger in my own house. Probably the only things I miss now are the internet and a few friends. But nothing life threatening. :)

Friends, more so because of the impromptu discussions that would start without a preamble. Because of the impromptu movies we would start, no matter what time it would be. It was a little similar to hostel life. It was fun.

After months of frustration and practically assuming that there was no point wasting time in waiting for the market to pick up, I took the risk, and came back. I’ve heard from people that its much better here, but I’m yet to experience it. I know its a matter of time.

Only how long ever that takes, gets frustrating with each passing moment. Again, as always, there are two sides to every story. I either wake up everyday and crib about my state or see new things beyond what is apparently seen. Like someone said, (honestly don’t know who) ‘One would reduce his vision if there is a lot on one’s mind’. :)

One misconception I’d was that I could barge into any company and just pester them to give me a job. Apparently, the farthest I can probably get is only till the security, which would do no good. Hell, they shooed me out of the Chemical Department of IISc., asking me to mail them first and then come ‘only when called’ :P.

So, its more or less akin to what I had been doing in the US. The only breather is that there are umpteen people who can be talked to and pestered here and there is a much lesser percentage of people ‘fake-promising’. Atleast, so I hope.

[What coincidence! Now playing: Send me an angel - The scorpions]

Nothin much happening otherwise. Musically, we did jam more than a couple of times. We jammed quite a bit, the only period of lull being the last few days. Got my Creative 4.1 speakers repaired, on which I’d lost hope altogether. God Bless that electrician! Feels out of the world to listen to Maiden on these speakers.

Met almost all my friends, felt nice. Not very nice since most are either getting engaged, in the line to get married, married, or celebrating their wedding anniversaries. :D

The best part has to be the food. Ten days of my coming here, had a friend’s house warming ceremony to attend. That was my first rendezvous with sumptuous food. Another house warming ceremony followed. And just recently, there was a big reunion of sorts during one of my friend’s wedding. About 15 of us, most of whom I got to see after 4 years. Felt great. Glad I didn’t miss it. :)

All in all, I must say it feels great to be back. The driving, the pushing and shoving, the food, the sweets, the people, the noise, the crowd, the weather, the dust, the pollution, everything.

Hope something happens on the job front soon! After all, a person who loses faith really doesn’t have anything more to lose.

Aboard the flight!

I’ve always wanted to say this. Aboard the LH 441 from Houston to Frankfurt (though it isn’t my aircraft, it sounds nice when read aloud :P), I am doing what I wanted to do from a very long time. The only thing is that this would be published as soon as I get access to internet.

Any other circumstance, any other day, I should’ve been extremely elated about the fact that I’m over the North Atlantic now, about to land in approximately 3 hours at Frankfurt, en route to Bangalore. Not today. I didn’t say I’m not excited, but not as much. For one, there is the anxiety of not finding a job back in the US and going back to India for good. It is anxiety but not repenting on my decision. I was never too keen on staying here in the US for a long term. Just didn’t know how long the ‘short term’ would last for. The second reason why my excitement is getting masked is because I hate bidding goodbyes. Few relations made, have withstood against the test of time and as most of us would have experienced more often than not, few would just obliterate in oblivion.

I’ve never opened my laptop in a flight. Just thought it was clumsy to type in such a small space with so much constraints. Moreover, I didn’t have anything life threatening nor thought provoking to an extent that I make a record of it. Today is however different, though it is neither. Maybe a little of the second one.

No matter how bad the place is, no matter how much I cribbed, no matter how much I expressed disgust, no matter how much I relished just the thought of getting back home, few people just change the short span of time spent with them that all of a sudden, nothing matters anymore. 

This happened of course, to a greater extent when I left hostel. 4 years of engineering, 4 years of fun, everything just seemed to go away in a jiffy. Memories are all that remain. I so wish that I’d taken more photos. Now that I look back at the photos that I’ve, I remember more, maybe each single thing associated with each photograph. Maybe that is the beauty of a photograph, maybe that is why its said that it ‘captures the moment’.

The same thing happened when I left India to go do my Masters. Coming to the US in hope of a better life was the only way I assuaged myself. You know, Masters - ‘apparently’ a big deal, then finding a job, making money and the like. Come to think of it, though it all didn’t happen to an extent I’d expected, (the greatest mistake of mankind - Expectation) there were a few people, a few incidents that I’d probably never forget. I was just skimming through my photo albums on my iPod and that is when I realised how important photos are, in anyone’s life. From the trips and shows in 2007, to the various airports I went around, from the first snowfall to the hurricane evacuation adventure, about 4 graduation ceremonies, the first fun trip to San Antonio/South Padre (boy, what a trip!) all the cars I drove, the parties at home and basically all that. Hell, I don’t even know if I’d meet all these wonderful people I’d been associated with, for these 2 years in my life again. Again, there would be few relations which will strongly brave the odds thrown around by time and few will just collapse over time, but it will always remain etched in my memory.

Only qualms were the bed bugs and the cockroaches which I don’t think I’d miss to that an extent. :P

Probably the best statement that I’ve heard in these two years is by one of my room mates, Dhrubo. We would have these engrossed discussions about life, about how people change and stuff, about how things that happen are so unreliable and the like. At an apt juncture, he just said, ‘A person who tries, never fails.’ I can’t forget that. It just came at the right time and was effective enough. 

I’ll miss being a part of all those discussions we’d have endlessly, Dhrubo and I initially, till we shifted to another house, when the rest of the gang joined in. It was fun. 

Anyways, I still have about 2 hours to land in Frankfurt. Maybe I should be excited, maybe. And boy, someone was right. This is the first time i’m flying Lufthansa, and the legroom sucks. Can’t imagine how someone tall can sit here!

The BitterSweet symphonies of September!

I'm glad September is almost over in this part of the world. What did poor September did to me? Actually nothing. Frankly, I am not superstitious or anything. I don't believe that there is a lucky pair of clothes or a lucky date as such. That said, Tuesdays and Septembers are always special in their own unique ways. I was born on a Tuesday, and more often than not, out of sheer coincidence, either my final practical exams at college, or the date on which I pay the exam fee or some such important thing would happen on the Tuesday. If I went on Monday, there would be some problem or the other and it would surely work, the next day. Tuesday is still special to me, though I don't initiate any thing consciously on that very day. It just occurred to me now, that the planetary ruler of Scorpio is Mars, and Tuesday is named after Mars.

September. Ever since I was a kid, I simply detested September. For one reason, the freakin' month seemed to take forever to end and wouldn't let October start. I was mighty kicked about my birthday in October but it seems funny now to think so, because my birthday is almost in November :P. The super brain that I'd, failed to notice this. The other thing being that September was the month in which most inactivity was rampant. I'd no friend who had a birthday in September and I didn't know of the birthday of one family member which was in September too. The moment October would start, I'd get all excited. October seems like the best month to me, for obvious reasons.

Only now I repent that I've not had any written account of all Septembers in my life, but I couldn't. I don't think I even knew about blogs till about 6 years back and my first blog entry was probably (had to check) in the OCTOBER of '07. October is such a 'happening' month. It of course reduces one year of my life every time it comes, but I somehow choose to not credit it for that :P.

Just recently, owing to my utter state of joblessness, I went a little back in time to see how the past Septembers were. Turns out that till as back as my memory can go, September has always been Bitter - Sweet. Now, this could've happened in any other month, for that matter of fact, in every month. But I care about beloved September :D.

September 2010. I'm at home in Beaumont, about a month's time after Graduation. The job market hasn't helped me in any way, so far. Sitting at home applying and calling companies all day long hasn't been too helpful either. Most people who've been through this would agree that its at least a little harrowing. With absolute house arrest, socialising, oh, one day, even getting out in the sunlight seemed very strange. That is when I decided to get out every day, at least once. But, on the brighter side of it, September 2010 also had AR Rahman coming down to Houston, giving me an opportunity to see the man himself, live, for the second time. September 2010 also was witness to me taking risk, something I wanted to do, but never mustered enough courage to do so. Situations forced me to. I'm talking about booking a ticket to Bangalore, to go for good. Was that decision Bitter or Sweet? Time will tell.

September 2009. 13th of September '09. One of the things of my big wish list saw light of the day. At 9.30 AM that day, I got my MacBook Pro. One year down and yet, touchwood, it looks new. One of the best things I've ever owned. Also, by then, my now famous dental episode had reached epic proportions and not finding enough options to treat my teeth here, I'd to rush to India for 3 weeks, after stopping eating for about a week or more. On a personal front, this trip was much better than the previous one in July - August. And importantly, I got to meet two old and very good friends that I'd not been able to meet since a very long time. Nani and Harsha. Most friends with whom I'd been going on treks were in Himalayas, and I made sure I met with them too.

September 2008. I was still fresh and new in the US. A month old. We were just back from an evacuation during Gustav. The news next day in the gym showed another hurricane, Ike, which would hit us in about 4 days time. The whole of Texas was asked to evacuate. We were rushed to interior parts of Texas. Houston lost electricity. There was large scale damage everywhere. Notwithstanding the ordeal of staying at a Gym during the evacuation, I flew from there to Phoenix, AZ. Adventures galore during this journey included getting lost trying to find the bus station, traveling to Dallas alone, which was about a 4 hour drive by bus, getting to the airport from deserted downtown of Dallas and spending the night at the airport. It was nice of course, once I reached my cousin's place.

September 2007. I was working at IISc. SIT and IISc have been the best phases of my life, so far. Hope more add on later. On the personal front, September was an emotional upheaval.

September 2006. Fresh after graduating, I was at home, jobless. I'm sure we'd started the band, but can't remember how good we were doing. Maybe, I should say, we were grappling to take a hold of the band, all of us.

That is all I can remember and that is the most I can go back in time. Wanted to have a written account of this so that I can add more to it in the September of 2011. Not that I would forget, but its nice to read it later on.

I'd still say if I probably look at other months too, I can draw something out of it. This 'grudge' against the poor 9th month is probably uncalled for. Who knows, maybe the best things in life later on may happen in the very month of September. Hell, even my birth - day 'Tuesday' could deceive me later on. Only time will tell.

AR RAHMAN!

Just instantly after typing in the title, I realised I've never written about the person, whose music I've analysed and gone berserk afterward. Anyways, the best time to write something about something very exciting is just after its been completed. So, here I'm, for the first time ever, writing about the concert I'm just back from. First time because I'm documenting it right away, rather than cross referencing it with some later incident.

AR Rahman - Jai Ho, the Journey home tour, 2010. Scheduled to happen on July 3rd got cancelled after the incident in Detroit and was postponed to September. I had bought tickets, the day they started giving tickets, sometime in March. It feels very nice to be back from a concert, of which I'd dreamt of from quite a long time.

Drove about 90 miles to reach Houston, reached pretty early and waited at the entrance, where the gates were supposed to be opened at 7.30 PM. There was one guy whom we (my friends and I) met, who said his daughter was performing. He seemed jovial initially, but later was just a little too much. He said that Rahman wouldn't allow local talent to perform, because they gave a shoddy performance when he had a concert at Oklahoma. I don't know when that was, by the way. He also said the last performances of Rahman were bad, and apparently he felt so bad about it that he didn't want to sit through the whole concert too. His complaint was that they performed a lot of 'South Indian songs'. I said nothing. He went on blabbering that all tickets this time weren't sold and that the tickets in Dallas were even sold for half price or something. I couldn't care less for what he said. He also complained that he was not interested in seeing the show, and he would stay till his daughter would complete her dance, which as it turned out was not very bad, by the way.

The gates opened at around 7.50 PM, we went straight ahead and waited till 8.15 when the dance started. There was a curtain kinda screen right in front of the stage, which was not taken off, even for the dance! It was surprising, but I knew that people would understand better, once the show started. Toyota Center was huge, it seats about 19000 people for a music concert.  When the concert started, there were about 1500 people. I was extremely disappointed, while I still told myself that an Indian composer putting such an event by itself deserves a lot of accolades.

Malachi, the boy advertised started running, as if looking for something amidst the audience. The Journey home from Bombay Dreams was interspersed with 'tere paas main aa raha hoon, apni baahein khol de'. Tears welled up my eyes. Just to listen to Rahman's voice was enough for me. It swiftly changed to 'O saya' from the acclaimed Slumdog Millionaire.  Interesting new flute bits were heard. It was just explosive. Just as I thought I'd miss Sivamani in this tour, the percussionist proved me wrong.

I didn't keep track of songs. There were about 35 or 40 songs, not very different from what were performed at other venues. I enjoyed the show and I'll just mention the highlights.

The set. The marvelous set. One can't find enough words to describe the way it changed for each song. A 'Mangalyam thantunaanena' had roses all over, 'Holi' had colours splashed, 'Ringa ringa' had flowers and balloons, 'Ganesh' had Ganesh, and most of these were not still imagery projected in high quality. They were all animations, projected. Absolutely delightful!

The 'South Indian' crowd was concentrated in an area not where I was seated and I could hear the biased applause as soon as 'Athiradee' started. I was the only odd man from my section I guess, people hadn't had a clue of these songs. This biased applause went through most part of it, whenever there was a 'O Cheliya' or a 'Kandukondain kandukondain'. I don't blame them. I truly believe in music not having a barrier, but I also empathize the fact that most people understand Hindi, and not Tamil or Telugu. That, by itself would open up a new debate which is not I want to address here.

'Barso re'. Neeti Mohan and Shweta Pandit. The set had rainfall! There was an awesome violinist and barso re changed to a smooth and exciting phase between the violinist, Naveen and the tabla player. The instrumentalists by themselves are of such a high caliber in a Rahman's concert that what they play sounds just right and superlative.

The unplugged versions of numerous songs. The best part was when Hariharan performed a classical thumri, with Rahman on the harmonium and Naveen on the flute. It felt nice because it didn't seem like Rahman, Rahman all over, but India! India! all over. Then the unplugged versions suddenly picked up momentum, with one rhythm maintained, the scales rapidly changed from 'O cheliya', 'Kandukondain', 'Ishq bina', 'Hosanna', 'Hum hain iss pal yahaan', 'Rehna tu', 'Kaadhal aNukan', among what I can remember. This part was just mindblowing. Any other strong word? I don't know.

Tiny bits of various songs were played. Liked this too. Kept me, (I won't talk for the audience) asking for more. 'Dreams on fire', 'Theeyil vizhundha', 'Bhor bhaye', 'Genda phool', MJ's 'Black or white' (surprise surprise) were among this. I didn't quite think 'Black or White' could sound that good with Rahman singing.

As for the man himself, apart from a few lines of Black or White, interspersed with rap and 'Pappu can't dance', he did honours for 'Yeh jo des hai tera', bits of 'Urvasi', 'Dil se', 'Azaadi', 'Jai ho', 'Vande mataram', 'Luka chuppi', in which the Nightingale herself was projected on the screen, with a special video shot, I assume.

'Azaadi' needs special mention. The operatic chorus in the beginning was replaced by orchestration. That was commendable.

Best parts of the concert - 'Bharat hum ko', 'Escape' from Slumdog (wished to have heard more of Asad Khan though) and 'Barso re'. The guitar work in every song was simply great. Singing had its share of ups and downs, but it was a live performance and for me, it entirely did what it was supposed to do. Infuse energy.

Complaints? There were songs like 'Only you', 'Hello Mr. Ethirkatchi' (Neeti Mohan, thumbs up!!), 'Taxi taxi' that I think a handful of the crowd knew about. I still can't understand how someone who loves music can't appreciate good music. I've major complaints about the sound mixing. Rahman's hand held synth made more noise that overshadowed Vijayprakash's otherwise flawless rendition of 'Chaiyya chaiyya'. Vijayprakash, Alphons (why o why wasn't 'AaromaLe' performed!! :( ) and Benny (another super energy performer) were barely heard at times and were too loud at times. I would have just wished there were more experienced people who could have regulated the volumes more effectively. Even lower notes of 'Azaadi' weren't heard very well.

Special mention of Harshdeep Kaur. She put intensity and devotion during Ik onkar, and overshadowed every person on the stage during 'Thayya thayya/Chaiyya chaiyya'. I've never seen a live performer with that voice texture and quality.

Hariharan was the only veteran singer. He did what he was to do, and boy, with what a grace. Experience talks for itself! Nothing more said.

It was a great show. Great energy. The best set that any show can ever get. Great singers. I was glad to see new faces, hear new voices, new styles with all due respect to Rahman's evergreen singers.

To the guitarist, the violinist, all, absolutely all singers, Naveen, Amy Tinkham, all of them who made it happen and The Man himself, RESPECT!

Maiden - June

Iron Maiden!

I desperately wanted to have a write up of the concert, this stupendous concert that happened on June 11. The desperation, more so because of not having written accounts of any of the 3 concerts that I'd attended till then - AR Rahman, Shankar Mahadevan and The Scorpions, in that order.

I was never a Maiden fan. All I knew is that they had performed in Bangalore twice, (both of which I shamelessly missed), they were from UK and they are all really old. Till I went to the Scorpions' concert in Bangalore, I didn't realise that people who are 60+ can have a great amount of energy.

Anyways, with Maiden, I started listening their songs much later, much much after I started listening to Scorpions. The first songs I had liked was from the album, 'Seventh son of the seventh son'. I really liked the way they linked the songs and had a theme, then moved on to Como estas amigos months, maybe years later. I never fancied them that much, you know.

All hell broke loose when Chetan and I started having discussions about 'Lightning strikes twice'. That went on from song to song and eventually I had a couple of favourites. All through this, strangely, I'd never heard of their entire work. Only after coming to the US, with a little more time devoted to listening music, I got their whole discography and went berserk.

Then, it was 'Flight 666' that made me really know about the band members and worship them. Maiden's songs are one of the highest rated and played on my iTunes. I'm very strict with rating, I must mention. No matter what state of mind I'm in, I listen to those leads of Dave Murray and it makes me cry.

So, when I learnt about their concert in Houston, I didn't want to miss the chance. I'd a fairly decent knowledge about their songs by then, and I knew how a live concert would be like. Just imagining Steve Harris and Dave Murray play gave me goosebumps.

With no much adventures on the way, we reached the venue near Houston at Woodlands. There were quite a bit of people, I must say. Dream Theater started the concert. I'm not a big fan, yet.

When Maiden came on stage, it was exactly the way I'd imagined it to be. Adrian Smith started off the leads of The wicker man, the rest came running in and then it was just explosive. I couldn't believe I was seeing them live. The ambience, the aura, their guitar riffs, Bruce Dickinson's vocals, simply put, everything.

Deftly, they moved from song to song, played most of my favourites - Blood brothers, Ghost of the navigator, Brave new world, Dance of death, Wildest dream, No more lies, Hallowed be thy name and lots more. The only songs I missed were Trooper, Revelations and Rime of the ancient mariner.

But nevertheless, it was like a dream. Listening to someone whom you adore so much, someone whom you worship. I still can't believe I saw them live. I remember, I couldn't hold back tears during Blood brothers and Brave new world. Gosh! It was a once in a lifetime experience. Shame on me for having missed their 2 concerts in Bangalore!

Up the irons! \m/

Time! The Time!

After nearly the busiest month ever, since I came to the US, I'm all set to officially graduate this summer, in the August of 2010. Don't know why, I don't feel very excited about it. But I'm happy.

Most of my blogs rant and rave about how things were, how things change(d) and destiny. Ok, maybe not most. But if one wanted to read such things, one wouldn't have to search for a long time in my archive.

June was supposed to be the Maiden month, and July, the Rahman month, christened so by me, in anticipation of the concerts that would be held in the months. June happened, the blog should happen soon too, [:D], but unfortunately, Rahman's show got postponed to mid-September.

Time is a very shameless entity, if I may dare to call it so. Like it is said, time changes everything. Time changes priorities, hell, it manages to change people. The kind of change is very debatable, something I don't want to get into in this blog. People fall in and out of relationships and few even state the clichéd 'Time teaches/heals everything'. If its an exam or a thesis defense like the one I just had a couple of days back, people get tensed. If its the same defense in progress and you go on blabbering, the time progresses pretty darn fast. If you are missing someone who's really thousands of miles away, you would feel time progressing very slow.

Thinking about the importance time has in our lives scares me. It is an entity that doesn't stop, no matter what, doesn't give a rats ass to what you feel, scared, lonely or happy. There would be situations which you wouldn't want to end, but time doesn't seem to care. Heartbeats get arrhythmic, every person would have experienced situations where in it would have felt like the heart would come out of the body and bounce away. Still, the second hand goes on at its own pace.

Such a divine creation is wasted, more often than not. Doesn't pain me. I do it all the time too. Only at times it occurs like a flash of brilliant light that reminds me for a few minutes that I need to work hard, that my brain is definitely capable of handling much more pressure than I have given it. Only once, till now, I've crossed that threshold, and it beautifully linked to my body's refusal to cope up with my mind.

All of us invariably end up respecting time, though it sounds a little too 'over the board', maybe? And why wouldn't we, after all its only time that can change the current time.

A trip in TX!

Whew! Almost made it. I was getting all panicky that my resolution of 'each blog a month' this year would also go down the drain. I can now safely say I've done well for the first half. I mean, I've not had 12 per year and even if I did, doesn't count that way. :)

I had initially planned of writing earlier but considering the number of events that I'd known were supposed to unfold, and that too at a feverish pace, lemme say a cliched excuse. I was busy. :P

First of all, after the not so adventurous canoeing, I was really looking forward to what would be one of the best trips of my life, till now, and boy, was it! Come on, with the right company, even sad places will look awesome, but here, the places were awesome too. Could I ask for more?

One of my very good friends had come down to Houston, for the memorial day weekend and his birthday on the 1st of this month. The trip was more or less planned, to San Antonio and South Padre Island. The very same place that is being pounded by Hurricane Alex as I write this. I hope there wouldn't be much damage to life.

San Antonio, TX.

We headed straight for the amusement park, the much talked about Six Flags Fiesta. Had my first roller coaster ride. Ever. I was almost certain that I'd not get alive out of it, when I recollected what I'd written the previous month. Go with the flow, man! The blistering heat notwithstanding, we took a mutual consensus to dive into the water, that was specially open during the summer. It was bliss.

From here, we headed straight to the downtown, to go see the River walk, photos of which reminded me of Italy (You know, I can't say that. I've never gone there). It was all of what another friend of mine who'd visited told, and more. It was R-O-M-A-N-T-I-C. I missed taking my girlfriend along (I actually can't say this, too). Everything was so serene about the River walk and its history, I ended up being speechless for this part of the day.

The next day wasn't very exciting. We went to see the number 1 tourist spot, The Alamo. I suddenly felt it would be nice to come back to this place, after 20 - 30 years. We rushed out of the museum, (was it one? sorry!) and drove a good 4+ hours to reach South Padre.

South Padre Island/Port Isabel, TX

Maybe not as beautiful as Miami, (again, politically incorrect, I've never been there!) but it was nice. It was a lazy 2 day outing here. Celebrated the birthday, with the birthday boy's selected cake (Its a pain to select for him, he's damned too choosy :P), went around scouting about the island (It really isn't one, though it can be assumed).

Went on a cruise the following day. Now this was awesome fun. A boring and slow ride through the waters of the Atlantic, with one hundred photographs being taken for every 5 minutes or so, it was serene, no doubt about it, but what came later was the fun part.

Trying to spot dolphins, one thing I've always hated, (How would you like if marine organisms came running behind you with menacing machines, just to check you out!) even when we tried doing the same in Palolem, Goa, wasn't that bad after all. Dolphins came pretty close to the boats, but there was no expected jumps. It was exciting to see them. The 'captain' was radioed and told that deeper into the gulf, there were dolphins spotted. He pushed the boat's speed limits and now transformed the ride into what could be called a cruise. The birds, the water, the waves crashing against the nose of the boat and water spurting inside, it was just awesome. No, maybe beyond that.

After the nearly 2 hour cruise, we decided to go to the beach. I have this thing for water, maybe most people have. Its such a nice feeling just to stay there and hear water roaring and rumbling, to get drenched in that God's eternal creation, to not think of anything, to not worry about anything, the flow that I've already talked about twice, now.

We were smart enough to not carry spare clothes or towels even. Its fun, unplanned. Result? We had to sit half naked in the car, till we reached the motel back in Port Isabel. We cleaned ourselves of the salty water and then headed to the jacuzzi in the motel, right outside.

The next day was reserved for returning, a 7 hour drive, back to Beaumont. I hated getting back, just like any other trip, but what I would hate earlier was to get back to routine. What I hated more now was Beaumont was a totally crappy place. Sorry, still is. Earlier, after a trip, at the least I got to enjoy decent facilities, in an insect free environment.

Everything about this trip was just awesome. The drive, the lonely roads, the scenic beauty, the ride - a Chrysler 300, (one helluva car, I must say), awesome company - 5 of us in all, more or less similar temperament.

There were 2 drivers, and whatever I drove was the most I'd ever driven. Felt nice. 'Wish it wouldn't end so soon', again a cliched term after every fantabulous trip. But I'm happy all of us felt the same way. With everything in life, rather, everything good in life, one should feel that it would last a little longer. That is when you know how good it was.

And about the other events, it'd be sheer injustice for those events if I did say a line about them. So, you can expect them to be blogged shortly.

Anxiety or Premonition??

Its been close to 2 years since I arrived here in the US. I missed out on going to trips after coming here. Not that I was going out constantly when in India, but it is only after a while that I really started loving all the impromptu trips with friends. When you change location, it takes time, (not always) to make new friends of the same frequency and go on similar trips (not always, again).

I missed out on one such rare opportunity, when my room mates had gone to Louisiana, maybe a long time back. I'd to stay back and work at the lab, and stayed alone at home for those dreadful 3 days. It was very exciting, with nothing to do but stare at blank walls and entertain a stranger who came knocking at the door one night, asking for money, because her 'son wasn't keeping too well'. She surely isn't creative, her son would keep getting ill every 15 days or so then.

Over a period of time, the excitement of going to a trip, seeing a new place, getting to know people better all faded away. So when my lab mate just recently asked me if I would go along with them for a canoeing adventure, I was excited, happy and overwhelmed. Moreover, there would be 10 people going along. The more, the merrier. I was happy.

Then it started, crashed on me. Realisation, not water. :P

I don't know swimming. Not even enough to save myself. I've tried, but I must say, not enough. One of my friends had recently gone canoeing and had nearly drowned. People from Lamar had gone canoeing and I think one or two people who went, never came back. They got carried away in the current whilst their friends were busy rescuing a person who had almost drowned.

[This blog is obviously not exciting for readers as I'm here, typing away]

All sorts of thoughts came onto me that day. We were supposed to leave the next day. I'd drown. How would people send my body home, how everyone would be in trauma, how that sense of not being able to do what I wanted to do will always [is haunt the word?] me, what would happen to my precious belongings here, what if my phone also drowned, would I be out of reach forever and just go 'missing'. It didn't end.

I stopped walking, took a deep breath and smiled. Things that have to happen, happen no matter what. No point cribbing over them. What if tomorrow is indeed the last day, what would I do is what I questioned myself. Again a flurry of thoughts. Shit, I'd to talk to one hundred people, I'd to play the keyboard, I'd to do this, do that and do everything. EVERYTHING. I smiled again. Go with the flow man!

Another realisation. How would the mentality of a person who knew he was dying indeed, from some disease, a la filmy style, be in such moments? Would he have given up on life or would he be enjoying? I couldn't see myself anywhere. :D

That night, I slept for 5 hours. People who know me know that its not uncommon. What else happened was that I'd dreams that I was 'trapped' in a canoe with water waves as high as 70 - 80 feet crashing on the canoe, taking both the canoe and me down. I woke up with a jolt. Shut up and sleep.

The next morning, one of my friends had a dream about drowning too. I was smiling my nervous smile by then. Didn't know how to react.

Then the time finally came. You won't believe it, but I took a phone index, checked that I'd not written my name for identification, wrote it, and took all my ID cards, that I never take while on trips. We reached the place, the nervous feeling reducing already. I almost laughed at myself when I saw the water. It was almost still and looked very calm.

As we started canoeing, all the fear went away, so much that I removed my life jacket and put it aside, knowing fully well that the water was deep at times. Though the company was good, the surroundings were good, [it was a narrow stream flowing in the middle of a forest], no current in water was the damp squib. Sometimes it was the haphazard wind, sometimes the opposite current. Nothing life threatening. For most of the initial 2 hours, I'd taken the lead for the exhausting 3 hour 'almost boating' adventure. I just wished I'd my girlfriend along. It'd have been romantic.

The call of the destiny

I firmly believe that God exists. I won't be foolish about the fact, I'd also say that an anti-God exists. When I say this, and when I regard God as the creator of practically everything in and out of the world (read earth), the creator of the anti-God too, it makes me think that why God would do such a thing. Then I soothe myself saying that its just that there exists a 'good' entity and something equally negative in energy, that we have come to call by various names over time.

People, the lame people, us, of course if you believe that you are in the world for some reason, and have been put here by an entity, would agree with me, that when you were created, it'd not be tough for that entity to create a path for you in life. The path is all created, one not being able to see it or not is again, a different thing. Say, you'd be destined to become a painter in your life, you realise that you are good with the brush after doing PhD. Stupid, I know, but its hypothetical, or come to think of it, quite rarely possible too. You get this urge to put everything you did all this long, and curse yourself for not recognising the hidden potency in your own self. You'll get conflicting thoughts that would put a Gemini to shame. More so, when you've a family to support and you are the only source of income. Do you think you can paint your way to earn bread? Agreed that you'd be happier doing what you wanna do, but such things look good on paper. Is this God's way of telling that, 'See, I gave you a path, but my negative counterpart asked you to not go there, I can't do anything', so, is God an entity that gives you good and bad both at the most vulnerable times?

There would be this section of people not agreeing with me by now, and shaking their heads in reluctance. Such people would like to tell, that they create their own destiny. I'd say, its just that these people realise early in life what they can do, have a clear view of how it'd shape up later on in life. Now, again, does that mean that they are entering a new area and creating a destiny for themselves or did they just go into their 'pre destined path' and bragging about it big time, just because they beat others to it?

I don't know. Its complicated. All I believe is that, the light is already glowing in one path, and it'd take 359 or lesser angles to probably see it and identify it with one self. :)

The fascinations, their extents

Since I can remember, I've been totally fascinated by the universe. It surprises me that I've never made a written account of it. Well, almost, I should say.

The earliest memory was the Haley's comet we studied at school, and the hoopla about a meteor shower, that was not visible, and the Hale Bopp comet. Eclipses never fascinated me. They intrigued me.

That interest also encompasses the global warming phenomenon and the existence of life on earth. I know it is like writing about 3 different parts of science. But, I'm quite sure my audience isn't that specific.

I used to make these reports when back in school, on things that fascinated me, and called them "PROJECTS". The universe was my biggest project ever, that I eventually lost out to careless formatting. I was heartbroken.

Just recently, I read a book (after a long gap) about how stuff formed on earth, how things happened, how we evolved. I loved it. Venkat, suggested I see 'The universe' that was aired on the History channel. I never watched that channel. But yeah, I did download it and was dumbstruck.

It is not that the super visuals/animations made me gape at it. It sure did, but my complex mind had one hundred things going on. Ever since I had been thinking about how things are in space, as strange as it may sound, I never felt the need for wanting to know if life existed beyond earth. Maybe I'd learned to be self sufficient or something, I don't know. But it never even came as a fleeting thought. As I read more into it, I was awed by the way scientists made calculations and arrived at conclusions about planets, stars, et al. That was THE thing for me. Without advanced telescopes, if they could do this, imagine what their grey matter was made of!

Finding out more about planets, to an extent is fine by me. I mean, its interesting for sure to know where we live, what surrounds us and how safe we're. We do it after moving into a new colony, so, there is nothing wrong in that. After seeing a few of the episodes of 'The universe', I realised, we are living in a dangerous zone. A totally unpredictable one at that. One solar flare, one solar wind or one asteroid flung by Jupiter's magnetic field, or just about anything could happen as I write this. And we worry about petty things in life. :)

My first reaction was, 'Oh shit, what if an asteroid struck in 5 days?', very typical of me. Then I realised that the life on earth isn't a very different situation. Call it God's loop of life and death. The existence of earth or life on it is totally left to the discretion of an entity that created it. It started to fascinate me all over again.

As I said, to an extent, all this is good. But yeah, its a perspective. Its probably defined differently by people who are in various fields. Sending satellites up in space - reason? Selfish needs, by the whole of mankind that has reached proportions that has made us impossible to survive without phones or internet. What happens to satellites after they die? Space pollution. Not a different situation on earth, is it? We polluted earth enough that we now pollute outside it. It pains me when people and organisations talk about 'searching for water on Europa, or Mars' and spend billions of dollars for that. It seems very unwarranted for, to me.

I agree and understand that humans are afraid to die. We don't want to die, ever. Wish it were that easy. Wish it were in our hands. When the whole thing is so damned unpredictable, I wonder how people come up with ideas of 'going to another planet, in case the earth gets sucked up by the sun', or, funnier, 'how to send a missile from earth to deflect an asteroid from hitting the earth'. For all you know, when you are going from Earth to either Mars or elsewhere 40 years later, if the time is yours, an asteroid may come hurling toward your spacecraft. :)

Its nature, time and God, either one of them or all 3 put together that governs every being's existence. Things were meant to happen this way. Bacteria was supposed to form, I was supposed to be born, people who are dead, were supposed to be dead, I was supposed to write this blog, and it goes on. There is a course that has already been devised for each one of us. We could use the money being spent on sending a robot to Europa to clear half of the world's slums. I wish the place we've been given to stay is made better, rather than giving up hope and exploring other lands to live. It is, in all possibility, a better option.

But yeah, many people wouldn't agree with me. They would feel all this is a possibility, we could evade cataclysm and the likes. It is a never ending debate. We are selfish. 1 in 100 would donate money of their own to benefit a third, unknown person. The minute one has more money, he would wanna buy a costlier car and a bigger house. Similarly, people have money, they wanna send robots in space and find another place to turn it into a living hell. Next, they'll want to send some organisms to see if they can mate in space and make a new, hybrid organism. Gosh, its never ending. But, nevertheless, its very interesting. :)

The Best is yet to come, They say

The Best is yet to come.

You ain't seen nothin' yet.

Smile, It could be worse.

A few lines of inspiration, if you may say so.

All of a sudden, I went blank. What I'd been wanting to write since yesterday appears lost in the complicated twists in my head. Of course, I'd a topic today morning, but almost the whole of yesterday I managed to control my urge to just write and ending it up shabbily.

There is a link I HAVE to post in this blog. Considering the number of times I've done this (count that zero) it must have really meant something to me.

Here's the link: http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

When I read this, I thought about the guy who wrote screenplay for 3 Idiots and especially the line 'Kaabil ban, kamyaabi jhak marke peeche aayegi' [Roughly translates into, Never run behind success, make yourself success-worthy first, and then you'll succeed]. Maybe he could have done a lot more in life, maybe he is, maybe the best is yet to come.

I'm sure all of us, sometime or the other in life, would have lamented about a day, an hour, or a week at work, or otherwise that the period has been the worst. What's worse, during that unfortunate phase, we'd get something more, that is worse than what we thought was worse. It takes you to that point of hopelessness that makes you wonder if what you are doing was 'designed' for you at all.

Its totally on the person involved, if he could take it up as a challenge and say, 'Bring it on, mate, you ain't seen nothin' yet.' But really, practically, one can't be so ideal at all times. We are prone to all this, I'd say, we're humans you know, [not considering the fact that my mind is complicated one teeny weeny bit].

Life's simple, I have told myself many times, it is in fact, what one makes it to be. Its worked for me till now, and it will, in future too. But when we are distressed with trivial matters, that surely don't seem trivial to us, I think about that entity because of whom all this is happening. Call it divine, call it time, I don't give a damn. But when there is something happening, someone is making it. There is no magic in that.

How would it look from the outside if it were to be seen? A distressed person, having all the goods in life, worried to death about some trivial matter, nothing life threatening, when there are a number of people striving hard to live, to eat, to lead a normal life. Such is the irony of the world. A person may forgo his lunch so that 2 of his small kids may eat, and one guy may strive hard to buy a Lamborghini. Priorities are so different.

2 of my very good friends helped me edit an idea, that would become a song later on. Its all about life. I learnt a lot from that song. The meaning of the song is so simple, if someone asks me what it is, I can just say 'Its about life' in a single line, just like that.

The bottom line is, as someone coined, It could be worse. Smile. Live for the moment.

New year!

Though I may have rushed to type this blog in the midnight, still counts as 'written' in January and there is thus, a void created for December 09. But first things first,

Wish you all a very happy New Year!

Frankly, for me, 2009 was a swift breeze. I can't even remember chronologically the things that have happened. Only now when I look back, I realise that time has flown past.

The great things I can remember would surely be the third anniversary of the band in June, my 2 India trips, one by choice and the other by force, the much talked about (by ourselves, duh!) jamming session of the band after a looong time, the Macbook phenomenon.

It just feels like having done all of this very recently. Only, the recently happens to be more than just 'recent'.

On the personal front, things saw a giant upheaval at times, in my usual steady and strong course of life. I've to be very careful with this in blogs. Blogs are like a public diary, you choose how much you want the other person to read. :P

Nothing much's changed apart from that. Absolutely nothing. Maybe a few perspectives. Maybe.

This new year didn't have all that 'NEW YEAR!!'ish excitement. Not that I'm a party animal and I was deprived of my party this year or anything. Come to think of it, the past few new years have just been calm. The last year was an exception again, I was in the same club I was, a few hours back, but it was fun. or maybe, I thought it was. The year before that, 4 colleagues from IISc had gone to see the disastrous 'Om Shanti Om'. I hadn't even laughed during the course of the movie. It was torture. A brutal one at that. As far as I can recollect the years before that, I'd never 'partied till I dropped' or involved in binge drinking. It would be a quiet night at home, thinking each time the new year went by, that I should have done something exciting for celebrating the New year. The fact that I'd recount to, many years later on this day.

I've had a problem with communicating with a large group of people. There was a phase in my life when I'd feel insecure of myself. Things changed, albeit slowly, during due course of time. I could talk to large groups of people. That was never a problem again. But perspectives are something that rarely change with time. Atleast with mine, they are surely true. Call me rigid, or stubborn or not wanting to change, the truth remains as it is!

[Going a lil' philosophical, I need soothing music now.....

I choose 'En swaasa kaatrae']

Ok, now why the crap about how I was? The fun I thought we'd last time dancing away to the countdown, doesn't seem that fun after all. I'd rather celebrate a quiet New Year's, watching fireworks, (oh no, that would make me think about pollution), hanging out with friends, with lots of people talking non stop, or a romantic getaway, talking about how the year was.

That is the way I'd prefer my new year celebration. A little noise is ok for me. Not a club in godforsaken Beaumont, with racism so rampant, that even music starts sounding repetitive and banal after a while. I was yawning! :D

In fact, after a while, it was depressing to see couples kissing so passionately. The few things I learnt today were,

1. Especially when you don't enjoy dancing that much, make sure you've a good female company to go and dance. Being in love with her is a bonus. :-D

2. The cause of racism is the way we have conducted ourselves by being outrightly desperate for some 'attention'. I could say it in one word - DISGUSTING.

[Song changed to 'Yenna solla pogirai'.. awesome melody]

As much ironical it may sound, I missed my friends big time today. Ironical, coz I've never spent new years with my best friends.

All said and done, I realise that I slightly contradict myself here from what I started initially. When I said new year was just another day this time around, there is no question of missing something that has never happened. Maybe it is just a feeling of wanting to do something, and regretting for not doing it.

This is me, The complication personified. ;-)

Anyways, I know I've not made much sense. The bottom line is, its a new year again - 2010, and I hope that all people get the best and their best out of this year.

A very happy new year to all of you again.