Homeland beckonED ;)

When I made sure there was a reference to teeth in my previous blog, it wasn't for nothing. Barely 3 months after I came to the US, for some strange reason, I'd to make a quick visit again.

Initially what seemed a pain that would subside, my toothache reached inexorable proportions. Thankfully, the pain that was, was only when I ate. Solution? I stopped eating. :)

The filling that I'd gotten done in Bangalore the last time, came off, and the crown I'd on one of my teeth came off barely after a week after it was fixed. Yes, it was God's way of telling that I am getting old, maybe. ;)

Finding no other way out of this, after finding out that its really a pain, much greater than my toothache to wait for dentists and get my teeth checked here in the US, I realised after much dilly-dallying that the best option was to fly back and get it done. The dentist whom I saw here, said that I'd gone to see him at the apt moment. Any later, the cavity, void of its filling now, could complicate further, requiring a root canal treatment. But, he thought it was wise to postpone the filling by a week. I was required to go and check with him if they did fillings, the next week. The exact day when I landed in India.

I'd heard the treatment in US was expensive. What I'd not heard was that the treatment and the way you are looked at, is pathetic. Without much option, I booked my flight tickets. Thankfully, the permissions in the department was given. The international office worked at a painfully slow pace, and I literally sat down on their necks to get my I-20 back, with a travel endorsement. Not to mention the surprise looks on each and every person's face and the dubious looks. As if I were mad to fly back 6000 miles, just for fun, in the middle of the semester.

It seemed like a plan to go to Tumkur. 3 days after I decided to leave, I was sitting in the flight. With my teeth in that condition, food on the flight was a major major problem. But I managed, somehow.

I flew Emirates, over Dubai. Reached Bangalore at 3 AM. Didn't take the taxi in the counter, coz it was way too expensive, the last time. I went further ahead, there was a guy who offered a taxi, and showed me a card, which clearly looked 'self made'. With not much choice, and no other taxis visible, I'd to board this. He came with another guy (!!) and either of them didn't speak much. It was around 3.30 AM, and for those who know the route from BIA to Malleswaram, it was lonely, for sure. I realised that anything could happen after I neared Hebbal. I asked the drivers for a phone, thinking I'll make a quick call home and tell I'm almost there. When he said he didn't have a phone, I felt like slapping my head for making it obvious that I too, didn't have one.

Anyways, he dropped me, safe and sound. I was worried for my MAC, if not for anything :P

That day's and the subsequent visits to the dentist revealed that there were quite a lot of complications than just a filling and the absence of a crown. My wisdom was overflowing, and not finding enough place in my head, had overflown to my teeth. Unfortunately, it was crooked, and I'd to get it removed by surgery. There were 3 more fillings on the upper jaw, that obviously I couldn't see.

With the teeth taken care of, at the earliest, I was able to slowly start eating things. Yes, I looked emaciated completely. Within two weeks of not being able to eat anything here in the US, I'd lost 6 kilos. I've lost count of the number of people who wanted toothache on listening to my saga. I only wished no one would go through this ordeal.

This 'emergency' 'short' trip to India of 21 days, was better than my first for various reasons, and worse for a few reasons.

I could meet my parents again, most of my friends again. The best part was probably being able to meet 2 friends, whom I'd not met in a long time, in the order of years. Felt nice. The minute my swelling went down, I started running here and there.

The sad part was, another trip got cancelled (again) . It was planned for 3 days to Pondicherry this time. Viral fever caused this.

But the hopeless part of this trip will always remain the 'Almost Just Missed' trip to Himalayas. The gang with whom fun was redefined, with whom impromptu trips were planned and executed left to Himalayas the day I landed in Bangalore. I'd even given a thought to go to Delhi directly from here, and then to Bangalore. I was just waiting for an assertive answer from any person I would meet next. That happened to be a "NO" and I realised it was for the good of the people going there too. I mean, no one would want to hear complaints of not being able to eat anything, for 2 weeks. Plus, my treatment could be at stake (considering that I'd to undergo 2 minor surgeries). It was too tempting. HIMALAYAS! FRIENDS! Couldn't help it. I thought of leaving later than I thought from India so that I could atleast meet them once they return. That happened in the last few days of my stay there. Result? I met them after an everyday planning, for 2 days, for extremely short durations. But I guess, without the toothache, even that wouldn't have been possible.

Thanks to the toothache, we could squeeze in a jammin session of BlendzZ, on the guitarist's birthday.

All said and done, the teeth seem to have responded well, and I'm still trying to make up for the lost weight.

For a reason? You bet!

There is a very old saying in Kannada that says, 'Hall idhdhounige kadle illa, kadle sigounige hall illa'. It roughly translates to - 'A person wanting to eat nuts wouldn't have teeth for it whereas a person having teeth wouldn't wanna eat some'.

Its a situation, I'd say, mankind has been trying to grapple with ever since.... ever since when?

I'm very sure that each one of us, could definitely live a better life. I don't mean by standard or class or luxury, but by the way of thinking. Had this not been such an important aspect in our lives - the part of not being happy having what we have, we'd have not been living like this today.

A guy with a girlfriend would definitely tell people around him that a life without one is so much fun. It is not always true, with him or the other person. The other person would always want to have a girlfriend, and he simply cannot have one. (He may have many, it doesn't count!)

Problems galore. The easiest way to escape from problems. Few of us get involved in a few things that we shouldn't have been involved in and later attribute that to some invisible force that has created such a situation which has tightened its noose around the neck of the.... Man! Its just us! We create problems, we don't have, atleast, all or most of us do NOT have the expertise to get out of it. It is sad, but true.

As I type this, I remember another saying that said 'The grass is greener on the other side'. Now I realise how true these sayings are.

A person whom we don't know could sometimes teach us so much. I wouldn't have written this blog if not for an incident that happened today. I was waiting for my lab-mates at another lab, not mine, and this guy working at the lab called me in. We'd met earlier, but today, we discussed about work. What his work involves and the like. Frankly, I was disheartened because the work he did interested me and had I known before about the project, I probably could have done that. I was complaining about not having work, and how it feels to work, go to a lab, manage schedules just because you have work and so on. He was looking for something all the while. Finally, he said, "See, my work is so difficult because I don't find the apparatus I'm looking for right away. I've to search so much for it."!!

My argument was that he atleast has something to search for. :P

But what I understood from this is that we don't grip ourselves with what we're or what we've. What others do, what others have fancy us. As I was sitting in his lab, I wished I were there everyday and had that much work. Then another thought crossed my mind. I'd have probably wished for a day off from work then. Not having work would have looked greener then.

I don't know if I need to say that its a sick feeling people are incorporating into themselves when they could be happy, because if people don't feel jealousy, anger or frustration, I'd not classify them humans. Now, the extent of positivity in these feelings is an individual thing.

It was a lesson to myself. More so, an experience. I'd never expected him to say that. Had he told me that it was ok, and that is how it is, I'd not have learnt anything. His way of telling that the apparatus he was looking for was not available right then and that, he felt was a very difficult thing made me just smile and realise how foolish we really are.

We have every single thing in our own hands, but we don't look in the right direction.

The journey home, is never too long!

A not so famous song by the double Oscar winner AR Rahman, from the broadway musical, the Bombay Dreams. Its a good song.

Very true, though. After hopping around in Chicago, Frankfurt and Dubai, I was exhausted, nevertheless, but that excitement was still alive when I reached Bangalore and I rejuvenated myself as soon as I landed. Hell, I wasn't even jet lagged. Well, I wasn't jet lagged when I landed back too [:P]

For REGULAR followers of my blog, you should know what I'm talking about, for the rest, Duh! Look up the previous blog. Its just that I couldn't or should I say didn't write about how my trip was, till I realised that I was about to break my resolution of wanting to write a blog in at least each of the remainder months. :D

I landed in Bangalore, from Dubai. We entered through the west coast of India, obviously.The moment the plane was in Indian airspace, I didn't feel emotional, neither did I hear 'Yeh jo des hai tera'. I guess I was too engrossed in my novel. But, it sure was a great feeling to see that unmistakable gulf of khambat and the gulf of kutch on the screen. I smiled. INDIA.

There was a small, essential (I thought, few of them didn't) swine flu test as soon as I landed, and one person was not co-operating well enough. Maybe he was a big shot. (As if they can't get swine flu :P) The tests done, I came out of the airport, with my luggages not screened for what they'd have in them. There it was. Fresh Air! (I hate A/C by the way). There was something else familiar. Noise. Horns. I smiled, again.

A taxi guy came up to me, took me to his office as soon as I came out, finished the formalities with the lady there, (which seemed to take a long time, no complaints! ;)) while I just stood there recognising the familiar cars, whizzing past, without caring for the pedestrians. It didn't look scary to me, considering that it is totally opposite here, somehow, it really didn't look scary.

The cab drivers were in some confusion and were adding to the already haphazard arrangement. They were abusing a driver who hadn't come back with a BIG car. They looked at me twice thinking that I wouldn't understand Kannada, (nothing new) but all this made it seem so pleasant to me, that I smiled again. :)

There was a similar system of a checkpoint that we have at the university here. You swipe a card and it opens up. Unfortunately, there was some problem, (No complaints, again :)) and after 5 minutes, a guy walks up to it, lifts the bar off from both sides of the checkpost and lets us pass. I didn't find it hilarious, I didn't find it a lapse in security, I thought how would have they dealt with this in US!

Anyways, I reached home, after around an hour of landing, and it was very soothing to hear the cacophony around, rather than sitting grim in an A/C car.

The one thing that struck me the most about Bangalore and my home was that, the climate was so pleasant. It felt like a natural A/C. So cool and pleasant. Spoke with a few friends of mine, a few relatives, all felt good. It was home for God's sake! HOME! :) :)

To get into an everyday detailing into what I did would be a little too much. :P The first few minutes of driving, I was a little apprehensive, but then, it was all normal. Met (almost) all my friends, my ex and current bandmates, two of us even jammed for a few minutes, and both of us were so happy that the equation still remained the same. Watched a couple of movies here and there, went to the malls a few times, everything seemed good. The only thing I was feeling weird was that I was on vacation, in a place that I have lived most of my life.

Met my colleagues at IISc, met my professors, it was all a feeling that I was here, I did this, I had gone here and there. I don't know how to put it in words, in any language.

Probably the biggest blunder that happened, and was not committed was the missing out of the trip(s) that were planned. One trip was not confirmed, and it struck to the both of us that there isn't much time, the day before I left. ;) The other trip, with the big group that I'd been going around when in Bangalore, was cancelled purely because of me. What I could see then was that it'd be very hectic for me to come back and leave. What I couldn't see was that it'd easily take an year or more of waiting on both sides to merely see each other, forget a trip. A realisation, that occured to me, much later, on landing here.

Anyways, all that happens is for a reason, and is for the good. The short trip to home. A trip of 26 days. Even if I'd stayed for a coupla months, I guess I'd have felt the same.

As for the "changes" that many people try to look at and compare between the two places, I'd plainly say, after an year in the US, or should I say, after an year of stay in the clean, pollution free, efficient, 'dream-realising' US, I'd rather prefer to stay in a place that has pollution, mismanaged traffic, bad roads, smelly food, commotion, friends and family. Home is just HOME.

Oh main nikla, gaddi leke...

There! My resolution of having to write atleast one blog per month went down the drain. I'm happy that it went down with something good that I did, rather than the usual laziness, which seldom happens to me. :) I kinda decided to make up for the unwritten blog. But plans are meant not to work, right? ;)

I know I write really long blogs. Fortunately, for me, I don't have to compete in a 'short note writing' competition. I'd have failed, miserably, time and again. Social issues, my perception of people's perceptions, movie references, traveling, hurricanes, people who influenced me, have formed the various topics of my blogging. With the hurricane season fast approaching, lets see how many blogs I'd have to dedicate for them alone, or, lets see if I'd be able to write on hurricanes, at all :P

June!

The mid month of the year, the birth month of one of my oldest friends, and the month in which probably one of the greatest things in life has ever happened to me - the anniversary of the band, which quickly stepped into its 4th year of formation. But the June of 2009 was special in other ways. The reason for which I and quite a few people close to me were waiting since the early February - my going to India after almost an year of being in the US.

Now to talk about how I found Bangalore after an year would be an extremely long blog. So, very wisely, considering the plight my blog readers will have to endure each time they click on the link and gasping to see how small the scroll bar would be, I decided I'll write about the journey in the first part, and follow it up with a sequel of how I felt things were back home. Gosh! I'm getting wiser with each passing day!

June 10th.

The day I'd been waiting for, with bated breath, since the past 4 months. Quite an adventure happened, I must say. My flight was in the late afternoon (Indian Standards) or early evening (US Standards). Ok, it was at 1530 hours. I'd to get to Houston, the nearest big city to board my flight to Chicago. Houston is about an hour's drive from my place. My room mate, very willingly (probably to whisk me off for a month's time, not withstanding my vocal torture) agreed to drop me off. About 45 minutes into the drive (Oh! Driving in the US is such a big bore), the windows failed to open down, the sun roof failed to engage, disappointing my room mate and another friend, (who had a flight to Newark an hour earlier than mine) who wanted to have a smoke. We decided to stop the car while the both of them could have a smoke and then resume the remainder of the journey of around 30 minutes. The car stopped, no doubt, the cigarettes were lit and the short break of 5 minutes turned to be a tensed break which would last for around 30 minutes later on. The car did start, but the gear refused to budge. It just wouldn't move from P for Parking to D4 for Drive 4. Not quite shocking, since, apparently, it'd happened earlier. The shock started growing intense when the situation remained the same after 10 minutes. My room mate, being a mechanical engineer, started using brute mechanical force for the poor automatic transmission. It just wouldn't budge. The clock was ticking away.

We called up our other room mate, who was busy, (which is why he wasn't keen on whisking me off) for help. Numerous combinations and pressures of applying the brakes while struggling with the gear shaft provided little result. The other room mate at home was left with no other choice but to get another car and pick us up from there and drop us off at Houston. There are no autos here and people just go past, without bothering what is happening. So much for thinking that Americans are very helpful. I'd not say otherwise, I'd say, it was just not our day.

The back up car, dashed its way through the freeway, and was exactly at the location we were stranded in, in remarkable time. We transfered the baggages and hopped on to it. As for the poor car that had broken down, it seemed to respond to touch, for it responded as soon as my other room mate put his hand on it. Anyways, we reached the airport, just in time. I checked in my luggage all the way till Bangalore, with not having to worry about it wherever I stopped. Oh yes, I'd to stop at quite a few places. ;)

Chicago was the first. A 2 and a half hour flight journey from Houston. I gained some knowledge from my suavely dressed and groomed co-passenger, Angie, that flights from Chicago are bound to get delayed, courtesy - rain. The flight landed, and I had to run around quite a bit. The airport is huge! I had a transit of an hour and a half which was worrying me, but didn't affect much. The flight out of Chicago's O'hare International Airport was right on time and I was on it, heading toward central Europe, one of the oldest airports that has seen the World War 2, Frankfurt International Airport, Germany.

The 8-something hour journey was not very strenuous. Come on, I was going home. Nothing could be taxing! I'd a German young girl for company. The carrier, American Airlines was nothing impressive. It was a tad more luxurious than a local flight in the US. No screens on indivudual seats, impatient and rude stewardesses all characterised this journey. I'd not say racist, not yet. The food was ok. I'd asked for vegetarian food, and I got it.

Frankfurt was one of the very big airports I've ever been to. I knew it is old. But I didn't expect it to be that huge. I had to kill 4 hours of time in this airport. Cursing myself for not having space in my carry on baggage, I was able to buy some vodka chocolates, leaving the other tempting ones behind.

I was looking forward to the next stretch of journey toward home. Mostly because I was switching carriers at Frankfurt and travelling by an airline that has earned the reputation of being very good. Fly Emirates.

The moment I finished my security check and boarded the Emirates flight, I could only keep my mouth wide open at the luxuriously appealing flight interiors. It was too much, more like pampering its guests. It took half an hour for me to close my mouth. The economy class in Emirates seemed like first class in other airliners. I was expecting some good company this time, but alas, when you expect things, the opposite happen. Humans don't seem to realise this simple law of nature. Anyways, I was alone, with probably 5 of us occupying the row in which I was seating, a row that had 3-5-3 seats! This aircraft was wide! WIDE!

I reached Dubai, (have forgotten the flight duration) and for the first time, I got down the flight from stairs. There was no aerobridge and my guess was, there was no FREE aerobridge. :P I felt like a VIP in those days when they would wave at fans and get down the stairs. Only, I was just a P, and there were no fans. Of course, I didn't wave! You take me for a fool? :P

Having travelled and probably more because of being in the US for a while, it was quite common to give way to the people walking by, stop for them to cross you, say 'excuse me' and smile at times. The moment I was in Dubai, I failed to realise that I was getting close to Indian border. I was expecting a huge airport, modern facilites and awesome ambience. What did I tell earlier? Humans fail to learn from their mistakes. The facilities of the airport, whatever modern it was, was plainly masked by the unruly and impatient crowd. Hell, I even saw quite a few firangis jostling their way through the crowd and going full steam ahead like all hell had broken loose. It took me 5 minutes to come to terms with this. Stench and filth masked whatever ambience the airport was built to provide.

The world tour and hopping at each major airport had left me exhausted by then. Dubai is a favourite and famous shopping destination. It's been that for quite sometime now. My legs failed to respond to my brain and there I sat idle, for 2 hours, waiting for the flight to Bangalore.

This international journey was probably the smallest in this course, but seemed the longest. Bangalore was a 4 hour journey from Dubai, and the time was well kept up by the captain. Brilliant crew, courteous stewards/stewardesses, awesome ambience. Emirates was a nice experience. I reached Bangalore on the morning of 12th June.

Almost 28 days later, with no sense of excitement to leave home, whatsover (obviously), I'd to leave, to complete an year more of coursework. My flight was at 1730 hours on the 7th of July. It was by chance that I wore a bright red shirt that day, to fly in Kingfisher Airlines, (whose crew wear red) to Delhi, one of the best, no, probably the best domestic airline ever. I wouldn't say that confidently, because, this flight remains the only domestic flight I've ever flown in India. Needless to say, I was super impressed. Let alone the reasons for which Kingfisher is popular, they had TV screens behind the headrest of each seat, the first class passengers had a blanket for themselves, and pav bhaji was served for all! I agree, the choice of channels on the TV wasn't all that great. But it'd quite a few channels - one each for news, movie, music and some 'comedy time'. It served the purpose. I was pleasantly shocked. The choice of cutlery, videos for safety vests, all these on a domestic flight!! Hell, it wasn't even there on the 3 domestic flights I've flown in the US! I felt happy that Vijay Mallya was taking Indian Aviation to the next level :)

If the arrival to Bangalore was a world tour, the departure was a baggage adventure tour! I'd to re-check-in my baggages in Delhi, switch terminals from domestic to international, go through security check and all that shit. All that is good. Only, the collection of my baggages, going to a transfer counter, taking my luggage manually onto a bus which would further take 15 minutes to transport us to the international terminal, find the counter for 'American Airlines' amidst one million carriers there, answer some 'silly but important' questions for a lady who was with 'AA' and spoke in such a high speed that I wondered how many takes she took to memorise the questions, go through immigration, seemed a hassle. With only an hour left of my 4 hour transit time, I went around the airport, grabbed a fruit juice and waited to board the flight mentally preparing myself to undergo the torture of sitting in the same airline that has no TV screens, rude crew for 15 and a half hours. The flight from Delhi, went straight to Chicago.

The crew was better than the ones in the flight from Chicago to Frankfurt, and they had TV screens too! I felt sorry for being judgemental of AA in only one flight route and changed my opinion about them. The long journey was not as bad as I thought it'd be. I'd Matthew Reilly for company, with his '6 Sacred Stones'. I was lost in it, totally, when I was not sleeping. Much to my amazement, the flight reached Chicago an hour ahead of schedule. Unfortunately, the immigration offices would not open till 5 AM, so, we were asked to wait for a full 45 minutes in the flight. With quite a few pages still left of the novel, 45 minutes of adventure filled fantasy was only a bonus that I'd not asked for.

Got down at 5, done with my immigration, picked up my luggage, went through customs which the officers didn't bother checking, (akin to what happened in Bangalore), I was wondering how the fussy-finicky US government let the Swine flu test pass. They checked each and every passenger in Bangalore for Flu! Anyways, I transferred my luggage to AA domestic, and boarded a 10 minute train to the domestic terminal. This didn't seem even half as big the hassle I underwent in Delhi. I'd four more hours to kill in Chicago and was hoping that rain wouldn't play spoilsport. My flight to Houston was at 10 in the morning. So there I sat, with my novel, the climax fast approaching now, I didn't wanna be disturbed. My brother called up from Canberra and reminded me to remind myself that I board the flight and not get carried away in the book. With Reilly, such a thing happening is not very surprising.

This flight took 2 hours, a half hour less than it was supposed to. No problems, no qualms, no complaints. I was barely paying heed to all that :P

Finally, I reached Houston, and my room mate was there, in the same car to pick me up. Had it broken down again, I wouldn't have bothered much, neither would I be as tense as I was, the previous time. Grabbed something to eat en route to Beaumont, to the (love to say), Bed Bug free house in Beaumont.

Where destiny takes us...

I was wondering what I would write a blog on, till I came across a very interesting Kannada article. I don't know if it spoke of the current apathy of us, the people, or was it mocking us that though having the potential, we are not realising it. By 'US', i don't mean to seclude or concentrate or for that matter, contain ourselves in any type of linguistic barrier. I refer to the common public, the 'WE'.

The article spoke at length about how there has never been another Bill Gates, another Lata Mangeshkar, though the potential for anyone being anyone is high. It spoke at length about how even after having immense amount of talent, we generally fail to channelise them into the right direction, the direction that would lead you to pursue the path of your role model. 

It spoke about how in the US, kids, after a certain age are let free to decide and chose their own career, in comparison to the common state of an Indian student, who generally succumbs to pressure from the dad to do his engineering or medical course. The tone of such a sentence was so whining that I wondered if the author himself underwent through such a process, himself. 

Not surprising. True. I Agree. If you'd muster up enough courage to stand in front of your dad and tell him that you'd become a rock star, or a classical musician, or an artist, I'm very sure that it'd be met with immense amount of scorn. Again, not surprising at all, considering our conservative society. There are very few people who would actually say, "Go ahead son/daughter, go and live your dream." There are tonnes of things inter-related to this. I'm not saying that its wrong on anyone's part to enforce. Yes. I'm not. These are very much dependent on how much that stream would have to offer, for a person to maintain his 'social status' or simply, to earn his bread. A country smitten with piracy where in people wouldn't want to spend on anything, wouldn't buy your paintings. The technologically advanced India would take snaps of that painting on a high tech 7 MP camera on a mobile phone, and hundreds of people would use it as wallpapers later on. :-) There is no thought process involved about how the painting originated or how you got it. 

When CDs of international artistes don't get sold in the music stores, there is no way that the public would be interested in buying a CD of a band unknown hitherto. If the band manages to stick around for a while, like for 10-15 years and makes a good name, fanatics would rummage through the debris trying to find the first album. But finding it online would be easier, don't you think? ;)

All these factors are discouraging. Discouraging enough for someone to not take up other forms of profession other than the 'safer' ones. But tell me something, there is no fun in life without taking any risk. Throw a few twists and turns in it, it becomes all the more interesting. Any good driver wouldn't want to drive a supercar on a straight road. 

Now, for Bill Gates or Lata Mangeshkar, the best way to put it across, would be to take the safest stance of telling that both of them, when they started off, didn't have much competition. Honestly, I don't know of many people who thought of wanting to start an operating system who were successful (by hook or crook) [sorry, it was too tempting to not say this]  or a singer who 'supposedly' made sure that no one else sang in the movies she was a part of. But hey, both of them were revolutionary. People don't look at the process. People look at the end product. The process is what appeals to you, or what your guilt haunts you, later in life. You choose it.

Come to think of it, you don't have to become 'someone'. You can be you and do something. Such persons are cited all the time to gain inspiration, if I can say so. Well, luck and destiny too have a major hand in such matters. Not all can establish a software giant like Apple and stand up to a company that once, 'reportedly' refused to hire Steve Jobs.

The imperfection of perfectionism

Meanings, perspectives and philosophies of life are just so personal. Anything one does is always relative to something, or someone, though life would be much more hassle free without comparisons.

God has different meanings to different people. Few people consider idol worship a mere foolishness, few people consider it sacred. Few people say love is God. Few people say there is nothing called love. People in love themselves have different definitions for love. For some, its the meeting whenever the other person wants, without understanding what he/she might be going through, for some, its the connection that works even after days of not talking, for some, its the one hour phone call, every night whispering sweet nothings.

We'd have surely heard of expressions like 'That's the perfect tea I could ever drink', 'She's the perfect friend I could ever have' or worse, 'I'm a perfectionist'! Backstreet Boys even made a song which was 'The perfect fan'. Now, being perfect is not wrong. Its just not attainable. Its simply not realisable. What we've adjusted the word to be in our world is only on a relative basis to another person's actions, or words, simply because there is nothing like it that we've experienced before. In a group of ten people, it would be easy for a seasoned music composer to pick the best - no, the perfect guitarist. By relative, I mean, that what one needs to understand is that there could have been some hidden potential in any person which would have propelled him to this level and given more time and self boosting, surely, higher levels could be attained. Its only that the realisation that has to occur. To whom? I don't know!

Its easy for someone to go to a 99% level. That is the perfect level that the common folk addresses and relates to. But how satisfying is it for that person? No one but the creator is a full 100%. Man can probably go to a close 99.8%, a genius to 99.9%. Everyone cannot be a genius, that forms a different discussion altogether. For a person to go to a 99% level is not very difficult. One could grace that position by immense hard work, or by sheer luck. Once that is reached, and the person wants to elevate his/her position higher, it is like doing a full 100 to go high a notch of 0.8%. It is probably because that is why it is called going close to perfection, and its something that is extremely difficult to attain. People who attain 99.8% in their life wouldn't care if they are known by the world, if they'd be rewarded for what they've done in life. The problem is with the people stuck in the 90 odds. They want to achieve something unheard of, of which the whole world is proud of them. Not quite uncommon, is it? ;)

For me, a composition that I make would be perfect, in terms of the music grammar (Ego or self contradictory? :P). Howmuchever I know in music, it limits me to actually figure out whats wrong, unless told by someone. Making a song is different, it should be able to speak for itself, without any explanations. When that happens, hopefully, in a matter of few years, I'll proudly write another blog that I went up a 0.1% ;)

For a person, who's been praised by all, who's been envied by competition, who's slammed the critics down with his work, it is quite but natural if I say that a feeling of wanting to do more would be brewing up inside his grey matter. Well, that's for people who seek improvement, I don't wanna talk about people who are already PURRFFECT and can't improve. I can only sigh in despair as to what a sad life they have.

Why do things happen? Why? Why??

I don't know. Its probably a thought that all of us get sometime or the other, a fleeting thought, or a thought that makes you ponder over life. [Listening to Bombay theme as I write this just makes matters more apt]. 

There are so many ideas in my brain to write. Don't know what this would turn into. I may interlink all the brainstorming I've done also, like what I do most of the times.

Things happen when you least expect them. His highness Murphy is mostly responsible for almost all the awkward moments one would have to spend during the course of life. God comes a close second, maybe. (If you believe in him, or her, that is) [Song change - Tu hi re!]

I'm not sure if you'd have experienced this. Not wanting anything to happen from the bottom of your heart would make matters accelerate in the opposite direction. When Murphy's laws come into force here, I wonder who coined the 'Jab tum kisi bhi cheez ko dil se maangoge, to poori kaaynaat koshish karegi ki woh tumhaari hojaaye'! 

Which of these is stronger? My desire to learn the violin, the passion to achieve something in life or Murphy's power? Is this all just a realm of fantasy? NO. I really don't think so.

There is a reason behind every single thing that happens in the world. And I, having experienced things first hand, am a true believer of it. I can't remember how back in time I need to travel to relate to what is happening now.

I started singing in 89, sometimes with force, sometimes for fun, but never with that burning passion of wanting to go on stage and get the audience clapping. 2009. I make sure I get my daily dosage of riyaaz without which I feel my day is ruined.

A guy whom I was jealous of for being popular in school, becomes a very good friend, later on and makes life so much easier. Back in the early 90s, I thought that the guy who made me feel insecure would never meet me again in life!

A teacher under whom I was learning music refused to teach me because of internal conflicts, which never made me stop looking for music. Today, I like to say that though I'm technically not even half as sound as it requires me to be, I'm better!

A friend with whom the first (and the last) fight was over sharing boiled potatoes, (a real violent one, I must say) a fact that his mom and I till date, laugh off. A relation going strong for 20 odd years.

Makes me feel old sometimes.

A band mate once said, 'Time flies'. I was jobless and I guffawed at it then. I think of it now. She told me this around 3 years back. How time flew, I don't know. I can still remember sitting outside the 'mini-conference hall' in college, 8 years back, with her and with another guy who's a well known musician today, getting ready for a mini concert then.  We barely spoke that day, we speak almost every week now. Who knew that a band would be started and she would be one of the founder members of it?

True. Things happen for a reason. Be it small instances, big fights, small misunderstandings, anything. Its more important for a person to see the brighter things of life. The choice is always what a person makes. The situation can change earth to sky, based on the choice one makes.

An aquaintance turned friend's friend turned closed friend stumped me with his speed and attitude. I was in one more of my phases, not knowing how much sensitive I was being. An year's break affected me badly which is when I pulled myself through. I pulled myself so much through that today I'm able to laugh at myself for having cried earlier. I don't repent doing anything in life, I'm actually an experienced soul. I changed, thanks to him, but we didn't. :) No song that I write gets ahead without his approval. No idea of mine is complete without his bolstering. He's a friend, everyone should have.

When I tell I understand what you are going through, I don't mean to say it just to comfort you. I've hated myself, I've loved myself. I've been arrogant, honest, impatient, ridiculed, praised, afraid, fearless, monophobic, turned over to enjoy every bit of it, in love and depression, sickly sentimental, bossy, almost everything, till now. Its for no other reason that I'm what I'm, now than all these put together. A 'person' who happens to know me since I was a day old and suggested that I've this name to my parents just recently told me that now, even when people tell the most surprising thing, I can manage to remain calm and not show any expression on my face. He'd never thought that it could happen with me. Well, I'm a Scorpio. My face dare not disobey what my brain says! :P

I'd never thought I'd do Chemical Engineering. I'd never expected I'd make so many friends. I'd never expected I'd do anything in music. I'd never thought I'd do postgraduation. I'd never thought I'd work at IISc. I'd never thought that something about everything I see would inspire me in life. I'd never thought I'd ever own a Yamaha synth. I never thought I'd have a desire of learning so many languages and understanding so many cultures.

I'd never thought that a person whom I knew played the guitar. I never realised how well he played. I never expected us to start a band, discuss compositions and make decisions. Of all of it, I really didn't know we'd be jamming across time zones. All these are things that have happened when I least expected them to happen. Its does look like Murphy wins over in most situations, atleast true, till now. Things do happen for a reason, and its nice that they happen when you least expect them to.

Life in the US!

Yeah, since I came here, I'd not made a written note of how things are here, so, thought would pen something down and open the world to the doors of enlightenment [:P]

Its been 6 months so far. I came here in the early August. Finished one semester, and gettin' slowly deeper into the second. The classes are ok, I mean nothing to actually tell that "Oh God! Masters is so grilling". In fact, it probably is at the same level or lesser at times, in terms of coursework compared to the poor VTU - the Visveswaraya (Yes, I did get the spelling right) Technological University, under which almost all the colleges in Karnataka are affiliated to. I'd have expected post graduation to be atleast more challenging than the work atmosphere at the Indian Institute of Science. My research project there was far more research involving, and comparitively strenuous, well, atleast when the gasifiers ran and we were required to stay in front of the heat and dust for 12 hours a day, taking readings every 15 minutes or so. The analysing part sprung up later. It was like a strong building being built on basics. It was fun. Seriously. (Oxymoron? NO!)

I do research on air quality here. The general laziness in lifestyle forces me to complain and whine to do work. Though it is probably one quarter of what I'd been doing back at work, and no way strenuous, with super equipments handling most of the work. I'm required to put filter papers in an equipment and leave it for 8 days. When I go back, Voila! I get the results and I take the samples and put them in another machine to analyse (I just started work, and haven't gotten to that part yet, but still) Convenient? Yeah. Totally. Do you know what is happening? Yeah. Totally. Tell me, lets see. The machine is doing the work, can't you understand that much? :P

No wonder people grow to such proportions in this part of the world! There could or would be other reasons for that, but I'd like to attribute this as one of them. :)

Beaumont, South East TX, is a village off Houston, some 89 miles off. The university here, is on the outskirts of such a village. I've seen people branding India as the land of casteism, where in people of inferior status are looked down upon. Yes, I agree. I won't prevaricate here. There are problems, regional, communal, cultural, casteial (??). There are also the good things that few people, few educated people understand that there is nothing of the sort and dismiss it off. It is also a pity that few educated people tend to get absorbed into such cheap, vulgar distinctions that I wonder why they are called educated.

In the United States Law, everyone is treated equally. Every person is given equal opportunity irrespective of where he is from or what caste he is.

This is what I'd heard, till I saw.

If casteism in India is Brahmins, Bunts, Subsects and Other Backward Classes, caste in US is Caucasians, African americans, Asians (the word by itself is expressed in such disgust, by the way). It is no different. Caucasians are the priveleged people who hold the most prestigious jobs. African americans - the sect of people popular mostly in South East Texas, states of Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi, who are known for their aggressive nature and mugging talents. Asians, comprised primarily of our North India border sharing country - China. I saw chinese people and was stunned. They go totally out of the way to comprehend a topic, or create something new out of it. Each minute detail is studied. If you thought Indians were hard working, learn from the Chinese. I'm sure you'll be lost half way.

Beaumont is a sad place. I see buses rarely, and I see that trains in texas, are so fast inbetween cities that they take 24 hours or more to go to a place that is barely a 8 or a 9 hour drive. My bed bug-cockroach-weird insect laden house is very close to the college, saving me the time to walk across for a long time. Saving time? Sorry! Wrong expression :)

There is not much to do by saving time, apart from the groceries which we religiously buy at walmart every saturday or sunday, or the nearby washeteria where we go once in every 3 weeks. This area is supposedly having a low security. Not to brag about my bicep's size, but a person of average strength like me can break open my house door, without much assistance. Neighbours? Never seen them. Surroundings? Bad. Fear constand mugging at nights, or just gettin beaten up black and blue, or sit up whole night killing bed bugs or scratching the body. Yes, I'm in America.

Weekends are a total no-no for teetotalers like me. Watch people drink, see some movies and pass those 2 dreadful days. I miss the improptu trips or treks that were planned on thursday night and executed on friday evening in Bengaluru.

I'd stayed in India, in Bengaluru, in the same house for about 24 years, and knew the locality pretty well. There were incidents of robbery, but nothing, (thank God), close to the vicinity of our house. The last week, i heard what i'd heard in movies till then, in the middle of my sleep at 4 AM, which made me look at a guy coolly climb on his red SUV and drive off. Gunshots. 4 of them. Not a cry, not a sound after that, no cop cars, no nothing. The few hours of my sleep was spent in thinking, what if the angle of the gun changed? Yes, I'm in America.

One day, I'd left my book in a lab. A freaking $70 book. Convert that. ~Rs. 3500. Holy shit! Quite as natural, I freaked out. To add to my woes, I realised that I don't have the book with me on a saturday, when the lab was closed and when my mood was to study the subject, to face an upcoming examination. I spent the whole saturday thinking about what to do, and the whole sunday vowing that I'd learn to be extra careful and not forget such things. The next day, I go to the lab to see my book sitting right where I left it. I was overjoyed. I was more amused. Had it happened in India, I'd have chastised myself for losing a 3.5 k book and would have definitely taken care to see that it goes into my bag, next time. Here, I know that if I leave it again, I'll get it back. You getting the state of mind? People here get the easiest of things. Sometimes, the easy way of doing things helps. Not all the time. To know in what position one is, it is necessary to think of how worse a situation could he/she be in. 

All the way I knew I was a celebrity and there would be some numbers of girlfriends flocking around me. I was wondering which nationality I'd have to choose and you know, go ahead! Things aren't as nice as you think they are, unfortunately. So thought of proclaiming that I'm single on the internet would help [:P]

That is the 6-month update I thought the world needed to know about. I'm still going strong, not losing will power and multi tasking. My Indian attributes are way too strong to be encompassed by something American. Hell, I don't eat chicken still!

New Year!

Another New Year, another year went by. Kudos to me for having tried to write one blog atleast for almost all months in the previous year [:P]. Resolutions? No, I wouldn't want to put them in public view, but there are quite a few impressive ones!

No, really! 

I somehow manage to draw inspiration from both real life incidents and from movies. It depends on how strong the feeling is and how strong my affinity toward it is. I just hope I don't draw inspiration immensely after seeing Troy or Saw. Hmm! Now, that would be really grose! SAW??!! ;)

I recently saw Luck By Chance. It was a good movie. Reminded me of Page 3, Fashion and the like that exposes the inside story. I've had my share of the tryst with a slightly weaker versions of the same, not that the movie opened my eyes or something. But, as always, Konkona Sen Sharma blows me away with each performance. I don't wanna bore you and elaborate on the story. The ending of the movie was with she roughly telling, "I don't go to a 9 - 5 job every morning, but I do something that I like to do." Now, if this wasn't enough, she also adds, "How many of us actually get to do that?"

That is a very interesting proposition. It is different when you start liking what you do. Few people do it for force, few people do it because their ego shouldn't get hurt (count me in this), but how many of us get up early in the morning, and tell to ourselves that we are not working, but we are doing something that we really like doing?

It is merely a reflection of what we choose, how we choose it and why we choose it. For me, to enter full time into music wasn't feasible because of obvious reasons. I'm still keeping it part-time and working and doing my own research on what I never knew till date, juxtaposing it with my Master's degree in Chemical Engineering. It doesn't matter to me if I make that work of mine public or if I get noticed and get lauded for that. Not that my PG degree is at stake or something, or not that I'm doing it out of sheer force, but on a lighter vein, I thought that atleast my band wouldn't have been affected by recession. :P

Most of us get so involved in things and make our lives so complicated that we don't even find time in our busy lives to think about such 'trivial' stuff. Trust me, it'd be a lot more helpful and you'd be doing yourself a favour if you thought about it, and did something about it. Again, think about it if you like to, if not, this blog won't have any purpose :)