I missed out on one such rare opportunity, when my room mates had gone to Louisiana, maybe a long time back. I'd to stay back and work at the lab, and stayed alone at home for those dreadful 3 days. It was very exciting, with nothing to do but stare at blank walls and entertain a stranger who came knocking at the door one night, asking for money, because her 'son wasn't keeping too well'. She surely isn't creative, her son would keep getting ill every 15 days or so then.
Over a period of time, the excitement of going to a trip, seeing a new place, getting to know people better all faded away. So when my lab mate just recently asked me if I would go along with them for a canoeing adventure, I was excited, happy and overwhelmed. Moreover, there would be 10 people going along. The more, the merrier. I was happy.
Then it started, crashed on me. Realisation, not water. :P
I don't know swimming. Not even enough to save myself. I've tried, but I must say, not enough. One of my friends had recently gone canoeing and had nearly drowned. People from Lamar had gone canoeing and I think one or two people who went, never came back. They got carried away in the current whilst their friends were busy rescuing a person who had almost drowned.
[This blog is obviously not exciting for readers as I'm here, typing away]
All sorts of thoughts came onto me that day. We were supposed to leave the next day. I'd drown. How would people send my body home, how everyone would be in trauma, how that sense of not being able to do what I wanted to do will always [is haunt the word?] me, what would happen to my precious belongings here, what if my phone also drowned, would I be out of reach forever and just go 'missing'. It didn't end.
I stopped walking, took a deep breath and smiled. Things that have to happen, happen no matter what. No point cribbing over them. What if tomorrow is indeed the last day, what would I do is what I questioned myself. Again a flurry of thoughts. Shit, I'd to talk to one hundred people, I'd to play the keyboard, I'd to do this, do that and do everything. EVERYTHING. I smiled again. Go with the flow man!
Another realisation. How would the mentality of a person who knew he was dying indeed, from some disease, a la filmy style, be in such moments? Would he have given up on life or would he be enjoying? I couldn't see myself anywhere. :D
That night, I slept for 5 hours. People who know me know that its not uncommon. What else happened was that I'd dreams that I was 'trapped' in a canoe with water waves as high as 70 - 80 feet crashing on the canoe, taking both the canoe and me down. I woke up with a jolt. Shut up and sleep.
The next morning, one of my friends had a dream about drowning too. I was smiling my nervous smile by then. Didn't know how to react.
Then the time finally came. You won't believe it, but I took a phone index, checked that I'd not written my name for identification, wrote it, and took all my ID cards, that I never take while on trips. We reached the place, the nervous feeling reducing already. I almost laughed at myself when I saw the water. It was almost still and looked very calm.
As we started canoeing, all the fear went away, so much that I removed my life jacket and put it aside, knowing fully well that the water was deep at times. Though the company was good, the surroundings were good, [it was a narrow stream flowing in the middle of a forest], no current in water was the damp squib. Sometimes it was the haphazard wind, sometimes the opposite current. Nothing life threatening. For most of the initial 2 hours, I'd taken the lead for the exhausting 3 hour 'almost boating' adventure. I just wished I'd my girlfriend along. It'd have been romantic.
