'Happy'ness

The pursuit of happyness. What a wonderful movie it is. As I write, I feel like wanting to watch the movie. Maybe the love for the innocent script, or the current feeling, I don't know.

Happiness. What is it? The love? The desire? The achievement? What? Maybe it is all of the afore, maybe its just one of the states of mind one is in when not in equilibrium, perhaps? 

People tend to get happy for doing things that maybe others might not have done. That sense of achievement. People get happy for doing things what they had probably promised themselves that they would complete, that feeling of serene tranquility, right after victory (of course the type that doesn't involve bloodshed).

But what is it? Money can't buy happiness, we have all learnt. It so happens, more often than not that you are happy only till you achieve something. What beyond that point? Do you breakdown? Do you retire to a shell of reclusion? Do you celebrate? Maybe its all a perspective.

Happiness is so many things, according to what the dictionary tells me. But is it the ultimate goal of life? Staying happy? Or is it becoming happy? Is it bigger than money? Is it bigger than what we are here for? Is it just a mere amalgamation of the two? 

Any day, probably I'd have wanted to answer this. Not today. Today, I'm questioning. Because, its not that easy. With variety in life, with umpteen choices and countless options, I know in the current state of mind that staying or being happy is just a phase. A phase where in your probably wouldn't worry about tasks to complete, or should I rather say, put them on the back burner, perhaps? Or even act as if nothing is wrong. Its all a perspective. 

When you are unable to make a decision, you vent out on blogs like these, or try doing (and maybe failing) what you love doing. I think I should just let it pass, for, the phase of questioning too, needs a system restart.

..of being pious?

Strange. Very strange that I don't remember writing about one of my favourite topics ever, in 3 (4?) years. But yeah, at least I made up my mind to write something now. After probably having many countless discussions, I choose this day, Vinayaka Chaturthi to write about this!

Well, hello to everybody. For starters, wish you a very happy festival, though I'm not sure how to do that. I mean, its not like its new year, or birthday or a marriage day. How can you wish someone to have a happy festival? Does it mean that the other days should not be happy? How lame.

Let me clear a few airs right away. I'm not someone who doesn't believe in God. There are most things that science can explain to me, but for the ones that clearly lie in a limbo, I owe/blame it to God. I'm not being blasphemous here, neither am I extremely pious. I just opine that God is a supreme super entity (if I may, at all) of positive energy. Driven by science, that force should clearly be balanced by something negative. We have been forced to learn and understand that in event of such a confrontation, only the good will win. God knows what'll happen (pun intended).

I am not against worship, idol worship or anything. For me, God of all religions is still the epitome of supremacy. I say a silent prayer if I pass by a temple, mosque or church. That way, I don't care what others have to think.

In the hindu sect, there have been many Gods that have countless temples. Lord Ganesha is worshipped so that every work started goes ahead smoothly, Lord Saraswathi is hailed as the Goddess of learning and arts, Lord Anjaneya the God of strength, etc.

God is hailed as the all pervasive, all knowing entity. It has always occurred in my mind to think how big would this entity be. Would it (or he or she) look down on the universe as a speck of dust? For me, its more of a belief. I believe in the existence of God. In those moments when I really want to build muscle, before going to gym, I pray to Lord Anjaneya :D. No, seriously.

People are seen to pray before exams, before results, before marriage, etc. My doubt is this. God is all pervasive. He knows what you do. He knows of your intimate moments, your private moments, what crap is filled in your head, what you dream, what you are inside when you pretend to be something else, what secret desire you have, what fantasies you have, how often you wish well or wish ill to others, and basically all stuff that you probably won't even talk to your confidante about. What is the whole point in praying and asking for a boon or vardaan?. When I prayed today, like the many times it has occurred in recent times, I thought of apologizing for any sins committed. Then instantly, I realised God knows about it, he knows when I've been sorry for doing anything bad. I didn't want to ask for anything for myself. Because I realised that God knows what I really want, and I'll get it if I deserve to have it.

Is this confusion because of philosophies of life or of growing up or of not having belief? I don't know. Having said all that, I would say again that its not that I won't go to temples. I can't be rebellious that way. Maybe I don't want to be. I pray to God every now and then. What to ask of God in a prayer is the exact time I get lost. I see acts of when a person does something he's committed to with utmost sincerity, getting rewarded; that boon that a few artists are blessed with who can just play around with art, or the way in which science itself unravels its mystery, as all Godly.

Again, maybe its just me. Maybe the high degree of philosophy makes me write all this. It would be interesting to see how people who read this would react.

Let the debate begin.

Peace!

and things go on....

I hate to say this, but it surely seems like a whiff of writing, or a spree, so as to say, which just lasted for about 3 years or so. I've never not written for this long. Maybe twitter is aiding me to not to. That's what they refer to as microblogging, I guess. But that's what is a perfect excuse. :)

Anyways, hello to the blog world. Things haven't changed as yet, if anything, without seeing the light of the day, many things are simply piling up. Not to mention the amount of stuff that I want to do also keeps increasing by the day. Hell, we live just once, why not do what all you can in this life? What if i'm a mule in the next birth? :D

This happens to me every time. Whenever there is a new album I download, I'm so hooked on listening to the technicalities that my brain refuses to take in anything else (or give out for that matter). After a really long time, I have a new hindi album downloaded. Yes, I shamelessly admit that I download stuff illegally, but also admit that if I like the stuff, I pay and get an audio CD. But a recent revelation that the audio CD quality is in fact, better than what I'd thought it would be should make me reconsider that. I am getting extremely critical of the kind of music coming out these days though. Also, my music system has not been serviced. And honestly, the only time I get to listen to music is in the bus, on my headphones. I think i'll have an eargasm if I listen to an audio CD on my music system anytime now.

Coming to that topic, I really hope I make sure that its ready at least by the time our mastered copy is out. I'm also happy that the album is shaping up well. But it feels so inconsequential when I actually make a statement saying that the album has been in the making for about an year and a half now. It could be lauded or trashed in a few days after release, but hey, I'm happy we tried. I read somewhere that the route is more important than the destination. Maybe its a Rahman-quote. That reminds me, all musicians I adore/admire/idolize is more than for just their music. Its probably the process by which they have made songs, made music so far in life. That is what is inspiring. Inspiring not only while on stage or while composing or arranging. Inspiring in every walk of life. Such is their impact.

With this random rant, I think I've satiated myself for having written in this blog after 4 months. Hope will have or will make up something concrete for the next blog.

Au revoir! 

Aim? Achievement?

Tsk tsk. That part where I lament for having missed yet another month. But what the hell, I really didn't even notice time flying by.

Anyways, hello to the blog world. Aah. It feels good to write again. I'm not implying a hiatus of a year. But one a month is kinda widely spaced apart and no matter where I write, its not like I make an online account of it. Ok, i'll simplify that. I missed writing. :)

Thought of some random rambling to do tonight, here. I know I've missed out on accounting many a important detail that happened this year so far, and gosh, its already been 1/3rd of this year.

I was wondering on my way back from college today. That reminds me, I always loved traveling. Never had I imagined I'd have to travel this long everyday. Destiny heard it in a different way, I guess. Oh hell, I must've lamented hell lot of times over my traveling. That was not what I intended saying anyways.

Achievements. Ambitions. Aims. Its all a very clichéd thing that all of us have heard, few of us have 'achieved' or few of us have 'tried to'. Be it anything, in any field. All said and done, sometimes, it feels like utter nonsense to me. Its not like money where most would want to make a million more after a million, or a trillion more after one. But achieving something is different.

Its like you plan for a really long time, the time scale depending upon the plan, exponentially related, and in most cases, a careful execution. Be it in love, in music, in art, in any form, maybe not so much time in research, or you'll be too late for the train there. But my point is, you plan to reach a goal. Its all hunky-dory and exciting, maybe at times challenging and demoralizing, but a strong minded person would still get there. What next?

I get lost here many times. What do we do after we achieve? Make new goals brushing aside what we already have is the right solution I can think of. Maybe that is the only way out of it, for a person who likes challenges. For, the others might simply revel in the momentary success and forget what to do next. That is when it gets meaningless.

Achievements are again very relative. Modesty and honesty apart, I really haven't been to that state where in I think I've to get to a different level. The first level aim is itself growing as wide as the atlantic (or is it the pacific?) that makes me wonder every time if I'll get there ever. Maybe with doing many things and stressing myself out to the point where my body and mind demanded rest, I've learnt the hard way that no matter how good one is at multitasking, he has to be equally good or even better with having patience. Its no child's play managing umpteen tasks. Expectations only play spoilsport.

So, there it is, a feeling of completing a blog. An achievement? Depends on how you look at it. Haven't been writing since 4 years or so for nothing. It all is relative eventually, I still maintain.

Hello 2012!

Well, it doesn't feel good to not having written something in Jan. The same sickening feeling one would get to go to school on a Sunday or having a holiday on the first day of the week. On a second thought, it doesn't feel good to start the first blog of the year on a negative word :D


Lemme try and redo this then.


2012 February. THE month of the leap year. Till now, I must say, I've had a great time. First long drive by car. First music festival (in that scale) in India. [I'm not surprised I didn't write about Storm Festival yet, took me freaking 8 days to get out of that hangover]. First year anniversary of being an academician. Naah. Doesn't suit my image. Yet. :) [Not since I got rid of the pony]


With no apologies for not having written about Storm Festival, which I intend doing soon, by the way, I'll probably start rambling now about how the year passed and the like.


It feels great to have completed something. That said and done, I've never really maintained that I've completed learning something. Technically speaking, one can't finish learning, IMHO. Be it even 50 years of doing the same thing, there's still something that is unexplored. Like what the band and I, on separate instances discovered during composing songs. I mean, in the initial stages, I'd given up just because I thought its the same 7 notes that can be played around with, how much different can it be. Today, I like to think that I'm in a much better position. High hopes? This year would probably talk more about that.


Yet, the human mind and the human attitude gets a sense of triumph on completion of something. Say a loan. Say a research paper. Say a song. How radically different each of these are is what I immediately realized. Most people I guess would dread completing another year of their lives. I don't. I mean, how different will it be if not for the number of years. After all, its nicer to think that you are more experienced with age. Probably a typical thing one would say after coming to terms with it. :)


This one year of completion has made me realize that my topmost priorities - Research, Music and Workout, [If you are thinking if I even have a life, I very much do] though different, have the same effects when given a lot of time and dedication. Hell, anything in life will pay off once its done with proper dedication and effort. For example, the first time I travelled to college, I'd headache. Can't believe I've travelled for about 30,000 km just for work. Not counting the other trips. So these few lines served as just a space eliminator.


I must have summed up whatever happened, in a typical year ending December blog, have forgotten. But its very tempting to do it again, will resist the urge.


Made this list of things to be done in 2012, maybe with special interest to all dates before 21st December, but couldn't manage to write one blog a month. Really, if the doomsday happens at all, people won't even get fossils of my dedicated blog entries. Its time maybe I started engraving.


So lets see how much of my wish list is realized this year. Will surely keep the blog followers updated on that. Let me complete the negation with which I started this blog. That way, we'll have only a non negative entity floating around in the next blog. Why the hell didn't I start learning the guitar earlier in life? I mean by the time I discovered what I really relish, my mind runs faster than my fingers!