October ends!

Everything in the world has a pattern. I was fascinated big time by this when I discovered about the divine proportion. This happened when I was reading the Da Vinci Code and the facts I discovered were so intriguing that the novel had me scampering to measure the distance between the nose and the navel, or the fingertips to the elbows, some such crazy stuff. And after I was satisfied to an extent, I declared that I believe in it. I'm extremely proud to announce today, that my blog pattern this year has been in the following months - Jan (1), May (5), August (8) and October (10).

1 - 5 - 8 - 10.

Not really related, you'd think? But come on, a dud in math like me can see this. Look at the duration between each blogs - 4, 3, 2. So, that's quite a discovery in itself!

Bottom line was still - Not enough blogs, but hey, I made a designer pattern! Well, to keep the track record, as always, I've begun with no idea in my mind.

September 2014 was bittersweet in a way. The world of music lost the legendary Mandolin U Srinivas. More than his work, I've always been enamoured by the style of his playing, by the immense degree of practice that had gone into, to develop such kinds of playing. The sheer determination to break the barrier of hitherto unexplored territory by getting a western instrument into carnatic playing. Sheer balls! Well, look at it the other way, we have a lot of documented and recorded stuff to get back to and to get inspired from, each passing day. This man oozed humility and commanded respect thus. Rest in peace!

To sound like an astrologer (although some fake guy who would talk about a event that's already passé), "Things on the personal front were pretty good and some news will bring about great joy to you" :P

October, my luckiest month. I don't know, somehow, all the time, the month gives me good vibes. It better did, that way. October marked the end of a 3 year 8 month stint of mine at Jain. Good friends, good memories to ponder over and a mind boggling 1.27 lakh km travelled. That number is minus the trip to Roorkee, to Nashik, to Pune and Chennai. There was an attempt to manage quite a few things along with it all the while, I faltered, gave up and started again. So, more than anything, the travel will be 'missed' if I may say so.

Nope. Still no luck. I generally start off and hope that my typing speed would overtake the thoughts and the words would just flow, didn't happen.

I'll just close it on this thirtieth day of the tenth month in 2014 then instead of ranting.

So long!

Well, hello again!

Boy, Oh Boy! Seems like I'm hell bent on improving my deteriorating track record.

I still can't believe we are in the 8th month of 2014 already. 2015, when mentioned, still seems like a timeline of a futuristic movie. 2004, 2005 seems like our times. Talk about being stuck in time. Glad its not 'Inception'.

With quite a few things happening, which I don't want to reveal at this juncture, life started turning, albeit a little slow than you would think. But again, it turning is by itself a boon. Speeds, well, you are not on an Aprilia RSV4, so can't expect anything on that front.

I got back to reading, after a really long hiatus. Started with Crichton's Congo and thoroughly enjoyed it. Biography of Mr. Jobs is ongoing as of now. The more I discover about that person, the more disconnected it seems. I'd expected to get inspired out of his demeanour, jump away from things I'm doing and hope to achieve something. I had hopes of getting feelings like I did when read 'The prodigal daughter'. Not yet, I'd say. Not to dismiss it because the certain traits I'd admired in him I still do, but because its the overall feel that I carry back after completion. Well, its not like I'm reading toxin in any case. For the record, I loathed it for all of the 8 and a half pages I got myself to read.

Well, today started with a slight degree of cribbing that I've not been creative enough. Yes, I consider blogging to be a creative thought process, which my fingers gladly contribute to, sometimes running on par, sometimes overtaking my thought process. And the only saving grace is that any creative process doesn't have to be awesome. Its a 'creation'. Just 'creation'. What is beyond that is simply a perspective. Few people use it to come down harshly on whats happening around, few people rant, few people quit.

Blogging for me, has always been my way of keeping track of my thought process and another important thing for me - language. I believe its quintessential for anyone who blogs, or writes to keep abreast and improve of what's happening around. And publishing stuff that people can read, making announcements so that you maintain doing them is one way of satiating yourself. Before I got to blogging, I would write songs - this was during my initial GRE preparation phase. I swear to God, I can't follow what I've written then. The habit waned, for which I'm glad. Meaningful, easy songs transpired, but that hasn't happened in a while as well. People could attribute it to the lack of inspiration. I'd beg to differ. Like I've said, ideas are everywhere. You must just look at it the right way. It all lies in you.

Bah! Too much philosophy. The bottom line basically is, I haven't blogged in a while, I've not written songs in a while. Some degree of writing, some degree of writing that can be published is what I'd missed. Other records are going on in gusto. I made a task list today morning and was shocked to see what all is pending. So with this, let me get back to striking more stuff of the list and keep updating.

See you around!

Jobs meets Tyler

Well,
Slightly more than 3 months and I'm glad I chose today to break the umm, well, 'break'. Its not morally right to call myself a blogger if I've not blogged in like 6 months, I thought. But, come to think of it, to appease whom?!

First of all, I somehow can't get myself to like Helvetica. So, I'll have to change the font to something that I can live with. 
Georgia seems to fit the bill for today.

With a whole lot happening on all fronts, courtesy - yours truly, (Shit, can't even blame someone else for all of it, which is practiced by so many, that you wonder if you've learnt anything out of life at all), I started wondering if all the past accusations and animosity toward September was justified. The poor thing.


I'm actually blank. Its like meeting a friend after 3 years and not knowing what to talk about. It hardly happens in today's times. I mean, everyone is connected to everyone, everywhere. People who really aren't, don't want to be. There's just so much stuff on social networking that people don't know what is private and public life anymore. Or, perhaps, its their idea of exhibitionism, craving for attention all the while. There have to be few things that have to get to people of course - like a concert that would happen or something of that order. But I don't know, it just makes me sick. Now that I talk of it, I will have to shamefully and ruefully admit that I'd taken to 'tweeting' a little too much which I didn't consider was a give away of anything personal, but again, there are different perspectives to it. What is sour to me is probably sweet to some. Lesser said, the better, I guess.

So, with a lot of stuff happening around, a few surprise announcements had to wait. I realised that having just too much stuff on a plate will break it, in due course of time. Its like a hungry person at a feast. The poor thing would obviously shove everything that looks good on the plate and end up wasting half of it. If its the summer, there'd be some respite. Hardly feel like eating in summer anyway.

But hunger, not the stomach related stuff. The one that is used often in figure of speech - hungry for money, for fame, for growth, for knowledge, for position, etc., is not really bad. On the contrary, I opine its necessary. Well, we have learnt from childhood - coming from a moderate middle class family - that you need to know the limits and live life accordingly. I think its flawed. There are dreams that each person would nurture and be hungry for. Giving up a dream, a passion is like giving up your life and just existing. You aren't living then. I don't mean that you see 3 Idiots and quit everything in life to do something awesome and inspiring. With the hearts and heads in the right direction, and the right vision, I think dreams can still be pursued. If its creative, it demands an attention that goes beyond finite 
hours. Which is OK. You never get to see passionate people complaining about their passion.  

So, the hunger, the need is what will keep you going then. Its of course sad that the other kind of hunger still exists in the world. I wish all of us would have just not the heart, but also a little bit of action taken to undo it. The stark opposite is the other kind of hunger. It pisses me off when there are headlines that say 'Tailor's daughter tops CET', 'Handicapped kid tops spelling competition'. Every person has their share of difficulties. Even people who live in glass buildings. The disparity happening because of the population is another equation altogether, but there is a hunger in everybody. Everybody has a need to do something they really need to. The tailor's daughter was hungry for knowledge and she worked her ass off. She had the vision and the clear focus, and beat you to it. Hunger and dreams don't depend on time, age or background. It just happens. More like love.

Dream on! Stay Hungry.

Of all materialistic stuff, or maybe not

Well, one of those days when something strikes you and stirs you up so much that you can't not make note of it.

Years ago, one of my gurus was teaching me a raga called 'Todi'. The most remarkable thing that he told me then was that people can do an alaap in this raga for days. I was, by then singing light music and couldn't have thanked my carnatic roots enough for helping me time and again. I mean, with that kind of a maturity level, you understand what it meant to work over a raga, its nuances and essence over days. I was astonished, I still am. It can be done is alright, but how the hell do you do it!

Today, nothing much has changed. Although, it was a different raga. Madhuvanthi. Its a brilliant composition by St. Purandaradaasa, set in this raga that is mostly responsible for this writing. The thing with art is, the more you discover, the more humbling it is.

The kruthi itself, karuniso krishna is a cry to lord Krishna, coaxing him to shower a little of his blessings to his staunch devotee. I'm not a strong believer of God as a mud idol. I go to temples when there is a concert arranged, or when I need peace of mind. God, for me has always been some entity that reflects in truthfulness and honesty.

What this particular raga did today was something that happens to everyone, sometime or the other in life. You practice religiously the previous day of class, not being scared that the guru would reprimand you, but because you want to be in a fairly relatively comfortable position when trying out different sangathis in front of the guru, which never really works. Despite being fairly satiated with efforts, you start singing, and suddenly, you realise the essence you left un-captured in your rendition. It would either be the bhaava, or sadly, the shruthi itself. 

Then it occurs that music is an ocean. Its not as easy as making 50 lakh today and buying a Range Rover. You feel like getting more inspired and listen to more works. Feel orgasmically drawn to something magical. Sit down to practice. Realise that so much potential is hidden to be tapped. In terms of understanding, in terms of exploring. That humbling experience is something that only art can provide. I feel its more like the passionate folk pursuing their PhD. I know for a fact that research, as it is, is an art and those passionate don't pursue it for money.

On the materialistic side, you have all, if I may adulterated versions of it. Most done for TRP (Target Rating Point) [I swear I had to google to see what it meant], or for pride and glory. But honestly, in today's competitive world, and the short term attention span public has, you get the acclaim and name. It stays for months at the most. Then? You are lost in the imbroglio. Oh, and you don't even make enough to get the damned Rover.

As art lovers in abundance, its the responsibility of artists to stay true to themselves and yearn for the humbling experience atleast once in a while. You don't have to walk barefoot for it. 

As for gurus. They are simply not called so. When people say, you can pick it up on your own, don't learn professionally, trust me, they are wrong. A spiritual connect can't be offered by 'learning on your own'.

Well, so much for now. Somehow after bouts of such thoughts, I wanna do so much in life. But the day ends, gotta travel 58 km in the morning to work. This is life. Its all about striking a balance. 

Dream?

Is it a dream?
Is it a dream if it appears when you sleep?
Is it a dream if you are obsessed about it?
Is it a dream when you feel you've not gone anywhere close to where you'd to?

I Wish!

Honestly, what is a dream? The lucky ones (read destined) achieve it. The rest are just led about randomly by fate into some kind of imbroglio, and assuage themselves that its one of the right ways they were 'destined' to take. Few faithful associates assure them that they are right.
Who's right?
Who's wrong?

Is it a curse to be talented and try your hand at what you want to do? It isn't.
Is it a curse when you achieve something and try harder for the next big thing and fail? It isn't.
Is it a curse when destiny throws an opportunity at you and a googly with it, and makes sure that you get bowled. Never bowled over. But you've got to bow down and accept it.

Its only not a curse when you don't dream about it.
Its only when you are not obsessed about it.

Confused? :)

Dream. Dream with all your might till its realised. Well, this thing by itself has turned out to be my obsession for the past many years. Dreamt, yes I've. Worked, probably half toward it. I can attribute a multitude of factors to it, but no, the big picture is just that. I've not worked hard towards my dream. Now, would I be able to achieve it if I worked as good? Who'll answer that?

Maybe dreams won't remain as such, neither would perspectives. Human nature of wanting to achieve everything. Wanting to perfect everything. Wanting to emulate the perfect human beings that they consider God. Greed. Its nothing but greed. Greed of dreaming too much. Greed that consumes oneself and percolates into the system, pushing one to believe that its just too much. You've to take it easy. You've to breathe. You're normal.

Is it a comforting thought from whatever driving force controls you or is it your brain accepting defeat. Give up? No, we say. But what do we do after all?

So, what does a normal human do now?
Dream, still. Because a person who doesn't dream is in my opinion missing out on all colourful stuff. All colourful stuff that makes your life, well, colourful.
Its good to dream, because it is in those dreams that your visions are hidden.
Its in those dreams that your beliefs are hidden.
Its in those dreams that your obsessions will find their way to light.

For ones who've found their dream, its a road of peril till they go on to achieve it.
For ones who've not, its a road of peril, for, the confusion they'd have to go through is immense.

What to dream about comes from another simple but extremely powerful entity.

Belief.

A person who really doesn't believe in himself, really has no reason to exist, after all.