Jobs meets Tyler

Well,
Slightly more than 3 months and I'm glad I chose today to break the umm, well, 'break'. Its not morally right to call myself a blogger if I've not blogged in like 6 months, I thought. But, come to think of it, to appease whom?!

First of all, I somehow can't get myself to like Helvetica. So, I'll have to change the font to something that I can live with. 
Georgia seems to fit the bill for today.

With a whole lot happening on all fronts, courtesy - yours truly, (Shit, can't even blame someone else for all of it, which is practiced by so many, that you wonder if you've learnt anything out of life at all), I started wondering if all the past accusations and animosity toward September was justified. The poor thing.


I'm actually blank. Its like meeting a friend after 3 years and not knowing what to talk about. It hardly happens in today's times. I mean, everyone is connected to everyone, everywhere. People who really aren't, don't want to be. There's just so much stuff on social networking that people don't know what is private and public life anymore. Or, perhaps, its their idea of exhibitionism, craving for attention all the while. There have to be few things that have to get to people of course - like a concert that would happen or something of that order. But I don't know, it just makes me sick. Now that I talk of it, I will have to shamefully and ruefully admit that I'd taken to 'tweeting' a little too much which I didn't consider was a give away of anything personal, but again, there are different perspectives to it. What is sour to me is probably sweet to some. Lesser said, the better, I guess.

So, with a lot of stuff happening around, a few surprise announcements had to wait. I realised that having just too much stuff on a plate will break it, in due course of time. Its like a hungry person at a feast. The poor thing would obviously shove everything that looks good on the plate and end up wasting half of it. If its the summer, there'd be some respite. Hardly feel like eating in summer anyway.

But hunger, not the stomach related stuff. The one that is used often in figure of speech - hungry for money, for fame, for growth, for knowledge, for position, etc., is not really bad. On the contrary, I opine its necessary. Well, we have learnt from childhood - coming from a moderate middle class family - that you need to know the limits and live life accordingly. I think its flawed. There are dreams that each person would nurture and be hungry for. Giving up a dream, a passion is like giving up your life and just existing. You aren't living then. I don't mean that you see 3 Idiots and quit everything in life to do something awesome and inspiring. With the hearts and heads in the right direction, and the right vision, I think dreams can still be pursued. If its creative, it demands an attention that goes beyond finite 
hours. Which is OK. You never get to see passionate people complaining about their passion.  

So, the hunger, the need is what will keep you going then. Its of course sad that the other kind of hunger still exists in the world. I wish all of us would have just not the heart, but also a little bit of action taken to undo it. The stark opposite is the other kind of hunger. It pisses me off when there are headlines that say 'Tailor's daughter tops CET', 'Handicapped kid tops spelling competition'. Every person has their share of difficulties. Even people who live in glass buildings. The disparity happening because of the population is another equation altogether, but there is a hunger in everybody. Everybody has a need to do something they really need to. The tailor's daughter was hungry for knowledge and she worked her ass off. She had the vision and the clear focus, and beat you to it. Hunger and dreams don't depend on time, age or background. It just happens. More like love.

Dream on! Stay Hungry.

Of all materialistic stuff, or maybe not

Well, one of those days when something strikes you and stirs you up so much that you can't not make note of it.

Years ago, one of my gurus was teaching me a raga called 'Todi'. The most remarkable thing that he told me then was that people can do an alaap in this raga for days. I was, by then singing light music and couldn't have thanked my carnatic roots enough for helping me time and again. I mean, with that kind of a maturity level, you understand what it meant to work over a raga, its nuances and essence over days. I was astonished, I still am. It can be done is alright, but how the hell do you do it!

Today, nothing much has changed. Although, it was a different raga. Madhuvanthi. Its a brilliant composition by St. Purandaradaasa, set in this raga that is mostly responsible for this writing. The thing with art is, the more you discover, the more humbling it is.

The kruthi itself, karuniso krishna is a cry to lord Krishna, coaxing him to shower a little of his blessings to his staunch devotee. I'm not a strong believer of God as a mud idol. I go to temples when there is a concert arranged, or when I need peace of mind. God, for me has always been some entity that reflects in truthfulness and honesty.

What this particular raga did today was something that happens to everyone, sometime or the other in life. You practice religiously the previous day of class, not being scared that the guru would reprimand you, but because you want to be in a fairly relatively comfortable position when trying out different sangathis in front of the guru, which never really works. Despite being fairly satiated with efforts, you start singing, and suddenly, you realise the essence you left un-captured in your rendition. It would either be the bhaava, or sadly, the shruthi itself. 

Then it occurs that music is an ocean. Its not as easy as making 50 lakh today and buying a Range Rover. You feel like getting more inspired and listen to more works. Feel orgasmically drawn to something magical. Sit down to practice. Realise that so much potential is hidden to be tapped. In terms of understanding, in terms of exploring. That humbling experience is something that only art can provide. I feel its more like the passionate folk pursuing their PhD. I know for a fact that research, as it is, is an art and those passionate don't pursue it for money.

On the materialistic side, you have all, if I may adulterated versions of it. Most done for TRP (Target Rating Point) [I swear I had to google to see what it meant], or for pride and glory. But honestly, in today's competitive world, and the short term attention span public has, you get the acclaim and name. It stays for months at the most. Then? You are lost in the imbroglio. Oh, and you don't even make enough to get the damned Rover.

As art lovers in abundance, its the responsibility of artists to stay true to themselves and yearn for the humbling experience atleast once in a while. You don't have to walk barefoot for it. 

As for gurus. They are simply not called so. When people say, you can pick it up on your own, don't learn professionally, trust me, they are wrong. A spiritual connect can't be offered by 'learning on your own'.

Well, so much for now. Somehow after bouts of such thoughts, I wanna do so much in life. But the day ends, gotta travel 58 km in the morning to work. This is life. Its all about striking a balance. 

Dream?

Is it a dream?
Is it a dream if it appears when you sleep?
Is it a dream if you are obsessed about it?
Is it a dream when you feel you've not gone anywhere close to where you'd to?

I Wish!

Honestly, what is a dream? The lucky ones (read destined) achieve it. The rest are just led about randomly by fate into some kind of imbroglio, and assuage themselves that its one of the right ways they were 'destined' to take. Few faithful associates assure them that they are right.
Who's right?
Who's wrong?

Is it a curse to be talented and try your hand at what you want to do? It isn't.
Is it a curse when you achieve something and try harder for the next big thing and fail? It isn't.
Is it a curse when destiny throws an opportunity at you and a googly with it, and makes sure that you get bowled. Never bowled over. But you've got to bow down and accept it.

Its only not a curse when you don't dream about it.
Its only when you are not obsessed about it.

Confused? :)

Dream. Dream with all your might till its realised. Well, this thing by itself has turned out to be my obsession for the past many years. Dreamt, yes I've. Worked, probably half toward it. I can attribute a multitude of factors to it, but no, the big picture is just that. I've not worked hard towards my dream. Now, would I be able to achieve it if I worked as good? Who'll answer that?

Maybe dreams won't remain as such, neither would perspectives. Human nature of wanting to achieve everything. Wanting to perfect everything. Wanting to emulate the perfect human beings that they consider God. Greed. Its nothing but greed. Greed of dreaming too much. Greed that consumes oneself and percolates into the system, pushing one to believe that its just too much. You've to take it easy. You've to breathe. You're normal.

Is it a comforting thought from whatever driving force controls you or is it your brain accepting defeat. Give up? No, we say. But what do we do after all?

So, what does a normal human do now?
Dream, still. Because a person who doesn't dream is in my opinion missing out on all colourful stuff. All colourful stuff that makes your life, well, colourful.
Its good to dream, because it is in those dreams that your visions are hidden.
Its in those dreams that your beliefs are hidden.
Its in those dreams that your obsessions will find their way to light.

For ones who've found their dream, its a road of peril till they go on to achieve it.
For ones who've not, its a road of peril, for, the confusion they'd have to go through is immense.

What to dream about comes from another simple but extremely powerful entity.

Belief.

A person who really doesn't believe in himself, really has no reason to exist, after all.

Can you better the best?

The Festival of lights is here! Although, as mentioned by a friend, I wonder if it should really be called the Festival of sounds. Surprising that I enjoyed the 'sound' as much I detest it about 18 years back, when I last lit crackers. Let's not get into how old I'm now. Psst. That should be off record.

Well, I must apologise to myself for my shameless irregularity with blogging. Like I probably made a mention earlier, I'm writing too much stuff that I find it an easy excuse to give myself whenever I feel guilty of not having written in a while. But blogs, it seems, have their own effects. For me, I can read and see the evolution with writing style, language and temperament since I started blogging. Few unfortunate ones like the Air France - KLM chief got reprimanded severely and that Shah guy from Gujarat was lauded and the article went viral; and the other ones that didn't go viral (because I didn't get to read them) and yet had their repercussions on poor innocent folk like me who simply like to be fair and state facts. Remember the SRK blog anyone? Oh, rather, know about it, anyone?

Well, I know already that this is going to be a short blog. I hate it, but I didn't even give a thought of what to write about. I could write about the band's progress, but I really get cautious then to not make it sound narcissistic and convinced, I give up. With women safety, I can only hang my head in shame that such brutality exists. What's more, I shudder at the thought that if the number of reported cases are so many, what is the actual number of cases!

It happened when I read A thousand splendid suns by Hosseni. Reading, I've always believed is more effective than seeing a movie, because you aren't forced by the director (of the book) to imagine a particular face. Each character, though vividly described, would definitely create a certain image in the mind of the reader. It might eventually turn out to be the same for both you and me, but it happens at its own pace. That intrigue definitely adds on to more pages of the novel, a feat that movie directors achieve in 12 - 15 seconds.

Anyways, my point is that reading shakes me up. I remember the urge to hold myself from typing away furiously a review of the Shiva trilogy the moment I completed it. Man, I was really so excited that the 3rd book was one of the fastest I've ever read. Holding back took too much effort, and I'm happy I've not made a fool of myself then. Its a possibility now anyway :).

So, with the mind thinking what to write about, and the fingers running a tad faster - courtesy the other part of the brain, it suddenly occurred that -

How difficult is a creative process?

I'll talk for myself. I don't believe that I'm an awesomely talented creative guy, though I can make song tunes pretty quick and while singing, think of the orchestration going behind, and also how it can actually be done live. I'm scared, perhaps. Scared not about experimentation. Not even about how it would turn out to be. But mostly because what do I do after this song. Writing is probably a little more stronger now, because as I imagine, though my blogs might be repetitive, I have been able to get it going for a few years now. I think its safe to assume that its one of my stronger abilities to weave stories or sometimes write plain bull crap. But hey, I can still write.

Now, with music, I know for a fact and I'm smiling as I write this, as if both sides of my brain worked completely independent with each other, I can't just make a song for the heck of it, like I write, probably like this blog right here. And to a fair extent I'd know probably 50% of the times if its a good tune or a bad tune. Ever since I've been analysing music on my own and discussing it, I've always paid attention to how the arrangement has been. I get into a mode thinking how something that is called background music works so hard to embellish a tune, and is called background music. If it had life, I'm sure it would just want to sometimes spank your rear hard and disappear, making you listen to the 'tune' alone. Boy, that would be bland as, as.. well, just bland!

Now, the fright. Drawing heavy inspiration from Mr. Jobs who said "Live each day like its your last", I truly believe in it and apply it slightly differently. Treat each creative process like its your last. That's when you'll be able to squeeze out your entire potency. Ask me my best work 2 years later and what I have done today is always, always laughable. I hope it doesn't incite stomach churning laughter further on, but generally, it is pure chagrin. My own. Meted out by my work.

Each time I set out to create something, sometimes like a blog out of impulse, or a much thought about song, it feels like I've done something that I've never done before and at the end of it there is satisfaction. Sometimes accompanied by tears (Note - only for music). But a few days later, it starts creeping in. How to better what was already my best? The answer lies in a very small four lettered word. Again, if it had life, it would sit and laugh at our follies, at our taking-life-too-seriously attitude. The same word that I believe in more than God.

T-I-M-E.

Guru

Guru brahma, guru vishnu

Guru devo maheshwara

Guru saakshaath parabrahma

Tasmay shri gurave namaha

After a couple of failed attempts to write that in Devanagari, I lost patience. I couldn't find the damn half ra. Didn't like it, but had to do it. Its not every time that an idea to blog lasts for 3 days anyway :).

Guru. We all have read enough, few fortunate ones have had the opportunity to interact with one in their lives. Please note, I'm not talking about teachers. Anyone who teaches becomes a teacher. More so in common terminology. Among few things in common between teacher and Guru is that to be both, there is no age requirement, neither there is a rule that only the relatively younger should be obliged to enjoy such a privilege.

Teachers we all have had. Throughout our schooling, throughout our lives, in our family, among friends and well wishers. For that matter, life is itself a good teacher. We make mistakes, correct them in due course and say life taught me this, life taught me that. In effect, I think its time that's making one teach oneself.

Guru is an epitome of awesomeness. A Guru is a visionary. A Guru is the one you are lucky enough to know and wish you knew how to think like that. The first few lines of this blog in Sanskrit say that a Guru is nothing short of God. In fact, it elevates the Guru to the combined effect of the trimurti Gods - creator, protector and destroyer. I think I must have recited the shloka some thousand times in my life, but haven't ever given such a thought to it. Well, better that I did it anyway. 

A Guru, in my opinion is extremely necessary for life to be moulded in a certain way. There are acclaimed people who have taught themselves and achieved immense success. While there's no denying their success or doubting their path to success, I think a Guru would give a fuller meaning to life. No matter what stage of life you are in, having a Guru is probably the best thing to happen. The sad part is, when we are young, we accept it more easily. Partly because of innocence (ignorance, if I may) and partly because at that age the brain is just accustomed to receive, process and reproduce humongous amounts of information. As we grow up, all sorts of filth fill in the mind blocking all clarity. Again, it doesn't mean that it happens with everyone. There's arrogance that comes in, there's ego, there's insecurity with growing age. All this because of the Guru. When I say its because of that entity, it is only because a Guru is the one who can torment you, harass you, laud you, motivate you, demoralise you and troubleshoot your problems. Accomplished people can do all that in one go too :). Once you are grown and about 30 or 40 years old, the sight of a much older man shouting at you is not the nicest scene you'd want yourself, or your family and kids to see you in. That said, I know of people who blindly put faith in the Guru, follow his words to whatever extent is possible, to a sad state where something called as self thinking gets obliterated. I don't believe in such kind of a worship. Few might call me mad, but I'd say no matter how good the Guru is, no matter how hard you are trying to impress him, no matter how hard you strive to get an appraisal, it is to be done with a certain degree of reverence, no doubt on that. But it has to happen with some self indulgence.

Guru is generally termed to people with high qualification and who have such kind of an ability to get you out of, well, basically shit. General work culture and our ignorance (the kind that stays with us after getting old as well) will more often than not lead us to helpless situations. Guruless people would get into depression, the others will just seek advice. Gurus are also termed to entities who practice the divinatory arts. Well, the terminology couldn't be more right. Its remarkable how a Guru can mould you and make the impossible possible in just a few sittings.

If you've not found one yet, keep looking! 

Success - Purpose. Why? How?

Probably one of the few times when I'm writing as soon as an idea was born. This way, there are two possibilities. The usual stuff with impulse is that its either awesome or plain crap.

A tinge of philosophy comes and plays in my mind when I say success and it somehow relates eventually to our purpose in life. What was the purpose with which we made it this far? What is the purpose for which we have been doing things in life, and what is the purpose for which we are all yearning to be successful?

A rather humorous discussion one of my bandmates and I were having about a fortnight ago - purpose. He suddenly suggested what if we were all accidents and there is an entity that looks down and sniggers - 'Fools - you are trying to look for purpose. I wanted to do something and did, it was accidentally you' :).

That apart, I learnt in the first year engineering (Feel employable, 2002, anyone?) that we do not celebrate smaller successes in life. I still remember, we were asked to jot down things we have successfully done since morning. I was blank. The host then said, you've woken up successfully, you've brushed successfully, you've come to the programme successfully, etc. I could only guffaw. I guffawed then, I guffaw now.

I don't mean you mustn't celebrate success. But celebratory rites are different for different folk. I mean, you won't catch me celebrating my first bass riff, my 1053'd laptop charge, that my iPad drained out its battery or that I completed a novel.

Slowly, over time, you come to realise that purpose and success are so interrelated. They are like blood brothers, if I may. You get a brainwave one day that you are destined to do something in life. That's your definition of your purpose. You work toward it. You work your ass toward it. Just having a strong will won't do, I know. I know the hard way. But again, its only the will that can carry it across and make you push yourself. The will to become a photographer, say. Or the will to get creative with each passing phase of life. 

Success then, gets relative. Also elusive. Not to most. To purists and perfectionists. I know with musicians, its a degree closer than other folk - they work on a song, revisit it and cringe that they could ever work on something that bad. So there, the pedestal you are aiming at keeps moving. The simple purpose then becomes, 'How to get better?'. Maybe THAT is the underlying purpose of all of us in life, which we realise when our friend, the 'purpose 1' gets activated.

Of course, when you are chasing your purpose and its only you who keeps changing the definition of success, (but nonchalantly tell others that success eludes you), there is a strong possibility of turning either way. You won't stop till you reach and that is an extremely admirable fighting spirit to display. Or, you simply won't know when to stop. Which can obviously lead to a mental breakdown. Its not like rating yourself higher. Its simply putting yourself down and pushing yourself to unfamiliar limits and arena.

Maybe the 'Celebrate small successes' part was this. It all makes sense now like a puzzle. Also, the 'dream - like' success (that mostly form main parts of inspiring stories) comes to you only when you are ready to take it. So till then, its the purpose and the undying spirit to pursue your purpose.

Random rambling - v2.32

Well, again, one of those days where I realise I've to write, but I just don't know what to write. Its like I start off with a working title and then I modify the body of the blog to suit the working title :P.

I get lost off late, (such a pity) whenever I think I've to write a blog. I'd promised myself that come what may, I'll be creative enough to come up with some topic - either something I hold close to my heart, or something about current affairs that could spark a debate or a controversy. Not that I'm (fully) aware of either, now, but I don't know, its somehow just slipped. But I promised myself today (again) that I'll write. I mean I should atleast keep writing if I intend writing a book as some people opine.

Book or no book, which is still a faraway thought, I thought how it'd actually be if I managed to write one anytime in life. For one, it would start once I complete the album. Two, I don't have to depend on studio availability or featuring artiste's availability. Three, four and five, it makes matters easier when you are fully in control (Yes, I do have OCD). Six, I need to decide if I can humour people or inspire them :).

I was thinking of a topic to write a book. The very fact that I'm putting it up on a public forum is for people to give me ideas. I think I'm less perturbed by the insecurity that someone else might write a book. No! I'm pretty sure individual treatments are unique. So, shoot off if you guys have any ideas.

On that note, I'm probably not as confident as my linguistic skills with my music. Perhaps, I'm, but I don't know. Maybe its because its all an extremely elaborate procedure that has (successfully, so far) drained our energies to magnanimous levels. How else can you explain a debut album in the making for 1 year, 10 months now? Well, on the flipside (really, a flip side?) we atleast love what we have (almost) come out with.

With a dearth of topics to blog, I sometimes feel I've lost touch with writing. Be it songs or blogs. Free mind is a virtue in matters of such regard, but free mind is a matter of well, the mind to say the least. All I mean is every creative process should be such that when you embark upon a wonderful journey playing around with music or words, your mind should become free. It is all because of the divinity imbibed in art forms, which is also the reason that is evident when art sees a form from an evolved person.

Well, before I start to aimlessly rant, let me retire with this short blog for now. Lot of exciting new stuff happening which I can't wait to share. But more on that, soon.

Let me end on a note that I put on twitter a few weeks back - Nervousness is what robs excitement of its charm. So live it, enjoy it and live it large.