Risk - Calculator or Taker?

So, what is it that is the biggest mystery of life?
What is calculated, never happens.
What is expected, never happens.
What is planned for, never happens.

Then what does? Life does happen.

It is the intricacy that binds together all the uncertainties that forms life. Some people just learn to wade through the waters early on. Some people wait and make sure they take swimming lessons, have life jackets, have backup plans all set and then wade. All those plans to just wade. Not even swim. I think these people would take forever to actually swim. And to take swimming lessons, fulfil another prerequisite, and to fulfil that, yet another. But who set all these prerequisites? The foolish brain. Why? Fear.

The day you let go of fear and wade, the day you learn sometimes you need to fly before you can walk, is the day the fear disappears. The fear just doesn’t go away with time. It doesn't go away with taking more lessons, it doesn't go away with pushing things away or equipping yourself better. It only comes when you beat it. Like how the slogan of URI formed - Ghar main ghuske maarenge.

No, honestly, that's how its done. Maybe at the end of the day, the person who waded will win. Maybe the dude who prepared will win. But that's not the concern. That's actually not anybody's concern. The journey is what counts. It’s also the preference. Some people change.

But what's right and what's wrong? What kinda risk has to be taken? Who calculates all these? Does life happen the way the people who make calculated risks want it? Doesn't it present itself in all the uncertain glory it is meant to? Who's the winner now? The risk, the calculator, the taker or life?

:)

What's the grass like on your side?

A very oft repeated phrase. Something that says that what you don't have is always better. Grass is always greener on the other side. How greener?

Boy, am I on a roll or what. The third blog in the same month is probably a never before done feat. But change is good. Thankfully, not greener.

This thing about lamenting and hoping for a better tomorrow kinda thing is quite annoying, I must say. I mean, its not a particular person I'm pointing toward. There is one aspect of living for today. Which I think is minutely connected to the grass being greener. You could also choose to treat them as separate streams too. But I'll tell you how they can be corollaries of each other.

In the wake of hoping for greener pastures, we neglect the already green pasture right in front of our eyes. Funnily, this reminds me of the hot debate on the internet about some stupid dress. (Only for the colour, nothing philosophical there, duh). Anyways, its like the shade of grass I've is not green enough. Although, it has the same if not more potential than the new one I'm eyeing, right? Wrong. Well, actually right, but in the wake of situational pressure or current temporary tough times, every fucking thing looks as green as it could ever be. The job offer you get after you just report to your job. The hot chick's photo as an alliance proposal after you get married. This is all classic repent worthy but meaningless practical examples. Nothing is greener. In this context, I'd like to get black in the picture. If something is black, it's black. Nothing can be blacker, right? Green, in this reference is that. I don't think there can be anything greener than the pasture you have in your hand right now.

So, while hoping that the other patch is greener and wanting to jump there by abandoning ship is not a solution. It never is. The situation forces the mind to conjure things like that which obviously alleviates the tension or the negative feelings, but the mind is quite a wanderer. If you let it wander, that is. Wait. What controls the mind? Hmm!!

Give up or pursue?

I don't recall when the last time I was all charged up to blog. Maybe the last few times I was charged up alright, but being the typical me, I must have pushed it saying if its important, it'll come back to me. Yeah. I do that a lot.

The thing about being charged up is nice. Especially after you are not in such a good phase, mentally. (Glad I don't have to mention physically, gladder that I don't have to update this with a recent pic). One of the least expected things happens out of the least expected situations. More than that, its how you choose to apply it with what's happening which is what makes it beautiful. Life's all about relating things and coming a full circle, right? (Yeah, I do this too, a lot).

So like most of the blog entries I make, the subject that's addressed is generally a feeling about myself. In a way, it is trying to vent out pent up frustration sometimes, or just document it with no specific intent of the world to see it. Its more of a recounting my own writing ability which I generally do with the older blogs.

So after thinking last night - 'If you know something is never meant to be, should you pursue it or give up?', which didn't fetch any answer, I came across a Facebook memory. A post I'd written in 2011. It said - 'If you want something badly, you'll get it. If you have tried real hard and still not got it, it means you've not tried hard enough.' Add to that a few other realisations about dependence and other similar shit. Perfect blog recipe. Yay.

The point is, no one decides if its meant to be or not. Sorry, I mean, no one else decides that. When you say it's not meant to be, you are already accepting defeat. So with a mindset that its not going to work out, there is no point pursuing it. Fine, the universe conspires as a whole entity to get what you really want is a nice Shah Rukh Khan thing. But it will hold true and a lot of water to it only when the feeling is reciprocated with a certain degree of action. If you want to be 5 times better than yourself today, its obvious that you've to at least work 5 times as much. Just hoping that you'd get 5 times better than yourself tomorrow is not enough. Its of course, a conducive environment to make sure you get shit done, but standalone, it is of absolutely no value.

In that regard, the second post makes a lot of practical sense. Again, who defines how hard you have worked? Only you do. You are allowed to get tired, you are allowed to make mistakes. But coming to terms with adjustment is something that's not permissible. Not in my lexicon at least. I think its like those reps that you do, only till failure. That's the only fucking way out. For everything.

September 2019

There.

Just 1/3rd remains now. 2019 has been on a leash it seems like.

And as true to history, September did begin with both bitter and sweet. I think this should be when I should celebrate Ugadi. Or maybe not, because it happens (quite literally) in any case. Also, the month has somehow seen the celebration of the one deity that is supposed to clear all obstacles in your path, so, well, that's that.

So far, lot of things have happened, but yeah, life's survived. In the wake of the resource depletion that's plaguing us that's a real bad thing, but what can you do. You can control only that much and wait for nature to take revenge. Need to bow down to societal laws, sadly.

Anyways, before I set out to a rant and start seeming like a mad man, I will end this entry here.

Peace.