Self recognition

So, this was quite irregular, despite having time to forcefully chill at home. Its difficult for someone, for anyone who has been following a regular routine to chill. Or maybe, I think its the force that's playing with the sanity. Had you chosen to chill, you'd just chill. But the current situation is such that any chilling beyond your home, might lead to consequences that are, well, chilly. (Sorry, I had to).

I am trying hard to refrain from posting about CoViD, from the impossibly ridiculous measures the world leaders are trying to take, from big failures of (big) governments in handling pandemics even after cutting some slack over letting them trying to grapple with it. It gets extremely annoying at times, that I end up not doing anything apart from brooding over it some days. But what can one do. The system is such. Deep rooted in a lot of unwanted things that its almost impossible to rid off of. But again, that might just be another failed acceptance of things. Sad, but true.

While we are all being made to sit at home and we are trying quite hard to retain our mental stability, we are turning our attention to social media, our only source of any human interaction apart from family members. Then there is also a conquest of completing all available series and movies on streaming services. Bless the internet, and the people who have been working to make sure our bandwidth isn't compromised.

I saw the newer version of Mahabharat that was telecast on Star Plus, some 6 - 7 years back. While I instantly became a fan of many characters, there was also a lot of gyan to take away from it. The character Karn is shown as someone who's oppressed about the recognition he gets and is hell bent on disproving it to the world. He is told time and again, that its a futile exercise. Well, nothing new to add on here. But its these simple things that make you sit up and ponder.

The knowledge you acquire to improve yourself and perhaps use it as a tool to help others out of their ignorance (not necessarily in archery, in life too) will definitely come to your aid, sooner than later. But the route might be a little less arduous if its taken up as a challenge. Of course, there is also a challenge to disprove the world which aids in accelerating the whole knowledge acquiring process. Something that pushes you. But one needs to be weary of what it is pushing you toward. Is it a fad for like 30 days that you are doing to kill time? Is it something you are doing to make sure no one else does it? Or is it something you've challenged yourself to do? The third iteration is the most beneficial one, clearly. When something is forced or you are challenged by an external force to do something, initially, though it might seem exciting, it really doesn't do much to help you improve yourself. And it might be really difficult, impossible even, to find people who wouldn't like to improve themselves. While on this journey to be a better version of you than yesterday, you start concentrating on the task itself rather than the outcome. Which is the abolition of recognition. The minute you recognise yourself, the other recognitions fade pale in comparison.

Legacy

It’s really kinda hard to accept the fact that there was no customary December or January blog post. It should have either been the recap of the year that was, or a very neutral emotion of looking forward for what 2020 would bring in. The fact is that, to make time for this blog post, it took me a little bit of time searching. And its February. But better late than never. Happy new year!

January went by like a breeze, a chilly, fast, breeze. Things went by - good, bad and ugly. I think most part of 2019 was also like that. There were some surprises that time brought in, some courage that the situations showed me on to, some tough decisions, some laughter, some crying, lot of alcohol, and a shit load of unachieved crap. It’s good that way, because you have a remainder to carry forward and start from there, but bad because the balance is never fucking ending.

I made a write up in the beginning of 2019. I called it Vision 35/Mission 2020. I give fancy names like that (sometimes only, strictly). It sounds very movie like. I liked the ring it has to it. Most part of the goals or objectives that had to be achieved are still in tact. Consistency is good, but the execution isn’t.

Anyways, with two topics that I kinda wanted to write about, the first was Legacy. Not the dictionary meaning of inheritance, but more like a person’s legacy. It’s something that hit me about it a few weeks back. It’s always spoken of when there is a certain quantum to it in terms of importance. Or, if I may, after a person passes away or moves away from your life. But do we not realise that the legacy is created during the course of life itself? I mean, of course, every day can’t be historical or monumental to a regard where everyone comes out and praises you for what you’ve done. The same way that every song that’s composed can’t become an anthem. But, even the minutest of the things that a person does that defines him, becomes his legacy. The minute the person chooses to step out of that, its kinda like an identity loss. Don’t get me wrong. I am not even subtly hinting at being closed to the idea of change. Change is constant. Everything, everyone - you including, are changing at this very moment. It’s not the change that I’m averse to. It’s the acceptance of the change without heeding to your own intrinsic trait is what is lethal. While there are aspects of you that change, there are certain things that don’t. The certain things that don’t change probably have come to define you over time. By trying to change, or by relenting to worldly stuff and trying to fit in, how does an individual retain his identity? Not everyone has the legacy that a chameleon does. The poor thing does that not to fit in, but its a trait. It’s just sad that the colour, a physical entity that changes there, is attributed to a more psychological thing in us, humans. 

I wanted to conclude, but I realised there isn’t one coming up. It’s just an unanswered open thought. Why does this happen? How can people completely give up an ideology that they are known for or associated with, in favour of trying to blend in? What do you want to be remembered for? For a person who stood for nothing? For a person who changed so much that no one knew who he was? It’s like what people used to tell me all through school because I was good at imitating teachers. “Don’t imitate them, you’ll forget the way you talk yourself”. If that had happened indeed, I’d not be writing a blog on conserving identity. 

Peace.

Purpose

Sometimes in life, it could be sooner or later but in due course, I guess we all get a one idea, a one thought that would make it seem like that's our purpose to be. It might so be that the said thing is a little unattainable, maybe fantastical, or might just have a lot of hurdles that are kinda difficult to be solved by one person alone. Yet, there is this trepidation and a weird sense of excitement that the mind knows. There is some gut feeling, or some push that the mind gets and you get into it.

The story till here is fine. The person achieves whatever he wants, its like a slap on the face for his detractors and his life's purpose is resolved, right?

Wrong.

Purpose. The very inspiring thoughts that one might get about something one is passionate about and definitely wants to achieve despite having obstacles aplenty. Purpose. The fleeting thoughts of possible futile trials to get something that one wants. You know, life has never been and I don't think it should ever be about getting what one wants. Its always the journey. The path you take to achieve your purpose is actually your purpose.

A bunch of people might try (in vain) to portray success as a very inspiring thing. Its not success that's inspiring. Success becomes extremely banal in comparison with what goes to become successful. Perseverance, discipline, goal, failure, persistence, faith, love, support and dedication are inspiring.

Next time someone comes to you and tells you about success, you know what to do.

But without purpose, all these fancy words are nothing but just words. So, even if its a fleeting thought, give it some thought. Yeah, the fact remains that the whole world might not feel its a good idea, but hey, its your purpose. Maybe you were destined to follow that path, not the world. Just remember that the road isn't tarred. Don't tell the Karnataka government, they'll concretise that too. Enjoy the rough ride anyways.

Complacence

With a one week not very rigorous training session at cult.fit, I realised that it is a good choice. The workouts are mostly different, and there are lot of things to choose from. First criterion is to get some physical activity, true. I mean, if you aren't getting any activity done, that is. Post that, its to make sure you get what your body wants - this, keeping in mind any injuries, disabilities (physical only). Then it is to scale it up. Few are fortunate to not have any injuries or not have any heart condition that requires or necessitates a workout. But in either case, thanks to my good coaches that I'd found at the right times, cult is just taking it a step higher. During my individually monitored workout sessions too, I was trying to make sure the body gets as much variety as possible. But the thing with someone barking instructions to you and someone who seems like they are brandishing a whip is that you push. You push yourself to do one last rep, one last round, one last pushup. You scream, you hurl expletives, but eventually, you do.

Why is a variety necessary? The body, from what I've understood can take so much abuse. But when there is a regular workout that it is subjected to, it starts to get used to it. For example, it knows that every monday you'll train on your shoulders. So, it starts taking things lightly. The body anticipates like it has a brain of its own and says - Ah, shoulders Monday today. I know what to do. Throw in squats the next Monday and before the body realises what's happening, half of your workout is done. So, keep the body on toes. Throw in cardio here and there, never at a routine. Routine. That bloody routine.

Well, the body does decide to chill when you throw routine. But what's at play here? The brain. The part of the brain that controls all this, more specifically. But its that routine that has to just disappear. While I was thinking of wreaking more havoc on routine with regards to workout, I realised (or was made to, over beer) that the brain sits satiated almost all of the times. Think about it. The mundane work (which I've so effectively broken routine of), the mundane chores, basically a routine. Few of them like me were brought up in a way to practice a routine. That's what makes one dedicated, they said. I followed that too, like an innocent pup. But dedication and routine is something that's not even related. Routine bores you. Routine doesn't do anything good. Persistence does. Dedication does. Its a very bad thing if kids are brought up to practice a routine. I mean, what would excite the brain? Why would the brain not get bored of it?

Risk - Calculator or Taker?

So, what is it that is the biggest mystery of life?
What is calculated, never happens.
What is expected, never happens.
What is planned for, never happens.

Then what does? Life does happen.

It is the intricacy that binds together all the uncertainties that forms life. Some people just learn to wade through the waters early on. Some people wait and make sure they take swimming lessons, have life jackets, have backup plans all set and then wade. All those plans to just wade. Not even swim. I think these people would take forever to actually swim. And to take swimming lessons, fulfil another prerequisite, and to fulfil that, yet another. But who set all these prerequisites? The foolish brain. Why? Fear.

The day you let go of fear and wade, the day you learn sometimes you need to fly before you can walk, is the day the fear disappears. The fear just doesn’t go away with time. It doesn't go away with taking more lessons, it doesn't go away with pushing things away or equipping yourself better. It only comes when you beat it. Like how the slogan of URI formed - Ghar main ghuske maarenge.

No, honestly, that's how its done. Maybe at the end of the day, the person who waded will win. Maybe the dude who prepared will win. But that's not the concern. That's actually not anybody's concern. The journey is what counts. It’s also the preference. Some people change.

But what's right and what's wrong? What kinda risk has to be taken? Who calculates all these? Does life happen the way the people who make calculated risks want it? Doesn't it present itself in all the uncertain glory it is meant to? Who's the winner now? The risk, the calculator, the taker or life?

:)

What's the grass like on your side?

A very oft repeated phrase. Something that says that what you don't have is always better. Grass is always greener on the other side. How greener?

Boy, am I on a roll or what. The third blog in the same month is probably a never before done feat. But change is good. Thankfully, not greener.

This thing about lamenting and hoping for a better tomorrow kinda thing is quite annoying, I must say. I mean, its not a particular person I'm pointing toward. There is one aspect of living for today. Which I think is minutely connected to the grass being greener. You could also choose to treat them as separate streams too. But I'll tell you how they can be corollaries of each other.

In the wake of hoping for greener pastures, we neglect the already green pasture right in front of our eyes. Funnily, this reminds me of the hot debate on the internet about some stupid dress. (Only for the colour, nothing philosophical there, duh). Anyways, its like the shade of grass I've is not green enough. Although, it has the same if not more potential than the new one I'm eyeing, right? Wrong. Well, actually right, but in the wake of situational pressure or current temporary tough times, every fucking thing looks as green as it could ever be. The job offer you get after you just report to your job. The hot chick's photo as an alliance proposal after you get married. This is all classic repent worthy but meaningless practical examples. Nothing is greener. In this context, I'd like to get black in the picture. If something is black, it's black. Nothing can be blacker, right? Green, in this reference is that. I don't think there can be anything greener than the pasture you have in your hand right now.

So, while hoping that the other patch is greener and wanting to jump there by abandoning ship is not a solution. It never is. The situation forces the mind to conjure things like that which obviously alleviates the tension or the negative feelings, but the mind is quite a wanderer. If you let it wander, that is. Wait. What controls the mind? Hmm!!

Give up or pursue?

I don't recall when the last time I was all charged up to blog. Maybe the last few times I was charged up alright, but being the typical me, I must have pushed it saying if its important, it'll come back to me. Yeah. I do that a lot.

The thing about being charged up is nice. Especially after you are not in such a good phase, mentally. (Glad I don't have to mention physically, gladder that I don't have to update this with a recent pic). One of the least expected things happens out of the least expected situations. More than that, its how you choose to apply it with what's happening which is what makes it beautiful. Life's all about relating things and coming a full circle, right? (Yeah, I do this too, a lot).

So like most of the blog entries I make, the subject that's addressed is generally a feeling about myself. In a way, it is trying to vent out pent up frustration sometimes, or just document it with no specific intent of the world to see it. Its more of a recounting my own writing ability which I generally do with the older blogs.

So after thinking last night - 'If you know something is never meant to be, should you pursue it or give up?', which didn't fetch any answer, I came across a Facebook memory. A post I'd written in 2011. It said - 'If you want something badly, you'll get it. If you have tried real hard and still not got it, it means you've not tried hard enough.' Add to that a few other realisations about dependence and other similar shit. Perfect blog recipe. Yay.

The point is, no one decides if its meant to be or not. Sorry, I mean, no one else decides that. When you say it's not meant to be, you are already accepting defeat. So with a mindset that its not going to work out, there is no point pursuing it. Fine, the universe conspires as a whole entity to get what you really want is a nice Shah Rukh Khan thing. But it will hold true and a lot of water to it only when the feeling is reciprocated with a certain degree of action. If you want to be 5 times better than yourself today, its obvious that you've to at least work 5 times as much. Just hoping that you'd get 5 times better than yourself tomorrow is not enough. Its of course, a conducive environment to make sure you get shit done, but standalone, it is of absolutely no value.

In that regard, the second post makes a lot of practical sense. Again, who defines how hard you have worked? Only you do. You are allowed to get tired, you are allowed to make mistakes. But coming to terms with adjustment is something that's not permissible. Not in my lexicon at least. I think its like those reps that you do, only till failure. That's the only fucking way out. For everything.